


When They Kissed

by Craftybadger1234



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baby Scorpius Malfoy, Bisexual Harry Potter, F/M, Ginny Weasley Bashing, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Minor Character Death, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Quidditch, Supportive Ron Weasley, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 21:19:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14756501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Craftybadger1234/pseuds/Craftybadger1234
Summary: Ginny and Harry see two men kissing and their relationship falls apart from there. Draco is, of course, there to pick up the pieces.There's no infidelity, and no het sex. There's just a little m/m smut in the last chapter.Also, Harry is a recovering alcoholic, which comes into play throughout the story.





	1. Ch 1

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my beta CleopatraIsMyName for all her wonderful help. She was brilliant! And all remaining mistakes are my own.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The World Cup is a two year process wherein 16 groups play matches that last no longer than four hours. The highest ranking team in each group then play 4 elimination matches that culminate in a single winner.

Harry jiggled the keys in the lock again, then tried to twist the handle one way, and the keys another. Almost…. Almost…. He nearly dropped his ice cream in the frustrating dance. Stupid fucking door. He couldn't wait to sign the papers for the new cottage and get out of this - 

“Oh my god!” Ginny hissed right in his ear. “There’s two men kissing right across the street!”

“Yeah, so?” Harry mumbled as he tried pushing up on the door knob and down on the key.

“So, I can’t believe they’re doing that in public where anyone can see them!”

Harry sighed and pushed the now sweaty fringe out of his eyes. “You were literally just licking ice cream out of my mouth five seconds ago.” He wished they could just apparate in but there were too many muggle neighbors to risk it. 

“Yeah but we’re you know…”

“We’re what?”

“Normal or whatever.”

Harry stiffened as a cold chill ran down his spine. His distraction with the door instantly evaporated as he turned to look at his girlfriend, still eyeing the couple across the street. “What did you just say?”

Ginny rolled her eyes with a smile, “I don’t mean that they’re weird or anything. It’s just, you don’t usually see that sort of thing out and about, do you?”

Fuck the neighbors. Harry shoved the keys in his pocket and blasted the door knob with a hex to shatter the lock. He kicked the door open. “There’s nothing weird about two consenting adults sharing a few kisses in public. It’s not like they stripped down to fuck on their front steps.”

“No, I know. It just took me by surprise, is all. I’ve never seen two men kiss before. Do they do that a lot?”

“I don’t know, I’m not in the habit of spying on the neighbors. Phillip, the dark haired one, owns the house. We’ve crossed paths a time or two.” Harry set his purchases on the table and began unpacking groceries.

“Did you know he was…” She whispered the final word, “gay?”

“Why are you whispering?”

“I don’t know,” she giggled.

Harry raised his voice, just to be contrary. “I’m going to assume Phillip is gay, or at the very least bi, because I saw him kissing another man.” He pulled a face at Ginny and continued in a normal voice, “I doubt the world will crash and burn as a result. And actually, I’m almost positive that life will carry on so I’m going to go ahead and make spaghetti for dinner. That all right with you?”

“That sounds lovely, thank you,” she said with a smile.

Harry let his ire fade away as they went about their usual Saturday afternoon, with cleaning his flat and baking for tomorrow’s lunch at the Burrow. Ginny stayed over nearly every weekend with Harry since they began dating eight months ago. Molly wasn’t too pleased with the situation, preferring marriage to this pseudo-shacking-up. But as her daughter was twenty-two, there wasn’t much she could do about it. 

And Molly always greeted them with a cheery smile when they arrived on Sunday. Harry handed over the bread he’d baked while Ginny went upstairs to put her things in her room. In the sitting room, Harry found Percy and Audrey with their new baby, talking with Ron and Hermione. Lunch was the usual chaotic affair, even with most of the family absent, and Harry loved it. 

After they ate and helped clean up the kitchen, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Harry wandered outside to enjoy the afternoon sun while everyone else stayed in for baby talk. Harry and Ron went to fetch a few extra chairs and when they returned, Ginny and Hermione were giggling like teenage girls.

“Yes! Right there on the street!” Ginny said. “I couldn’t believe it!”

“Couldn’t believe what?” Ron asked as he set the chairs down. The four of them sat in a semi-circle, facing the open field next to the house, with Ron and Harry flanking the girls in the middle.

Hermione blushed, “Yesterday Harry’s neighbor was kissing his _boyfriend_ on his front steps.”

“So?” Ron asked. He looked at Harry who shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“So, it’s not the sort of thing you usually see, is it?” Ginny said.

“Was it hot?” Hermione asked with a giggle. “I’ll bet it was hot.” She nudged Ron. “We should visit Harry more often so I can catch a glimpse.”

It was Ron’s turn to roll his eyes. “You think he just sits around on his front steps waiting for passers-by so he can snog with an audience? There are easier ways to see that sort of thing, you know.”

Hermione’s eyes widened. “Are you suggesting we research the topic?”

“What? No!”

“Really? Because you know how much I love research.” Hermione giggled as Ron tickled her, then kissed her on the cheek.

“Fine, research all you want. If there’s something that gets you all hot and bothered, come see me about it.” Ron squeezed her hand and laced his fingers with hers.

Ginny nudged Harry’s foot, “Have you seen your neighbor with a woman?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“Just curious, I guess. You said he might be bi and I wondered if his taste in men was the same as his taste in women.”

“Interesting question,” Hermione said. “Does he always prefer blondes, for instance. Or maybe he prefers men with one look, but women with another sort of look.”

“Or maybe it’s none of our business who my neighbor dates.” Harry scowled, “We don’t even know if he dates women and why are we talking about this anyway?”

Hermione grinned, “It’s all just supposition, Harry. Attraction is a complex thing and I’d be curious to know how others see it. What is it that draws a man to a woman - “

“Tits,” Ron interjected.

“Or a man to a man?” Hermione continued without pause. “What is it that makes a man want either or both?”

“Or neither,” Harry added.

“Or neither,” Hermione agreed with a nod. “I find it fascinating, all the possibilities. But there’s no way to really know and understand. Even if you could ask such personal questions of someone, each person’s responses would be completely subjective.”

“Well, I’ve never seen a woman and thought of snogging her,” Ginny said with authority.

“Are you calling my wife ugly?” Ron asked.

Harry snorted, “We all know Hermione’s the most beautiful angel in all of everywhere. Goodness knows we’ve heard you say it often enough.”

Hermione laughed and winked at her husband.

“Oh please,” Ginny said to Ron. “That implies you’ve ogled Harry’s arse a time or two.”

“We all know the Chosen Arse is absolute perfection,” Ron said with a wink at Harry. “We’ve seen enough fan mail to prove it.”

Harry laughed, “Remember - what was his name? Began with an R - Robert? Roderick?”

“Roger,” Ron supplied.

“Right, Roger. And all those drawing he did of me and him? They were quite… detailed. I liked those,” Harry grinned.

Hermione giggled, “He sent more than the three you showed us?”

“He sent about twenty. Most of them I tossed immediately with the rest of the rubbish but there were two or three that were quite good so I kept them a while.”

Ginny wrinkled her nose, “Why would you keep a picture of you with another man?”

Harry shrugged, “I liked it. It was a good drawing of me, and I looked happy.”

“Really happy?” Ron asked with a laugh and exaggerated wink.

“Oh, yes. Really, very, _truly_ happy.” The two boys doubled over laughing. 

Hermione snorted a laugh at the two of them. She darted a glance at Ginny, but Ginny didn’t find the situation funny anymore.

“Have you thought about another man like that?” Ginny asked Harry.

Harry, his laughter fading away, darted a glance at Ron. Ginny also looked at Ron, but his face gave nothing away. The summer air suddenly felt cool and still, and tension filled the air.

“Harry?” Ginny asked. 

“Yeah, I have.” He scrubbed at his hair when she gasped. “Actually, I've been with a few muggle men, and I had a thing with a wizard for about three months.”

“You did?” Hermione asked in shock. She looked at her husband but he was calmly drinking his beer. “Did you know about that?”

“Kind of hard to miss when we were sharing a flat,” Ron answered. “It was while you were back at Hogwarts and we were in Auror training. He’s the one that finally convinced Harry that the training was killing him.”

Ginny shook her head at them. “How did you keep that a secret?”

“Patrick didn’t want anyone to know either,” Harry said with a shrug. “He didn’t want all the weird attention. So we didn’t tell anyone.”

“Oh,” Ginny said quietly. She sipped at her drink, lost in thought.

Hermione glanced between the two of them, and stood. “I think, maybe we should go join the others and cuddle the new baby.”

“Yeah,” said Ron as he stood. He patted Harry on the back and tugged at Ginny’s ponytail as he passed them.

Ginny didn’t speak until Harry reached for her hand. She nibbled at her lip and said quietly, “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“It’s all right. I love you, you know?”

“I know,” she smiled. “I love you too.”

Harry looked out over the field, watching the tall grass sway in the gentle breeze. “You know back then, I was kind of a mess.”

“I know.”

“And there’s no telling how long I’d have gone on like that. Until I self-destructed completely probably.” He took a long pull of his butterbeer and sighed. “It was just a fooling around kind of relationship. Nothing serious. But one day Patrick pointed out that I had fewer hangover potions in the rubbish bin during my week off training and that if I wasn't careful, I'd overdo it one day. It took a while for me to get it but that was the beginning of my recovery.”

“Why’d you end it?”

“It wasn't serious and when an internship opportunity came up in Sweden, he took it. Neither of us even considered something long distance. And that was it.”

“Oh.”

“I should have told you about him. And the muggles, I guess. I just needed to put all that behind me.”

“It’s not… not a big deal. It’s fine, really.”

Harry glanced at her but she had her usual smile in place. He nodded and squeezed her hand. They sat together, enjoying the sunshine, until it was time for Harry to return home.

\--------

Usually Harry enjoyed his work in the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. He was merely an underling, shuffled frequently within department. But he liked that because it meant every day was different, and he could avoid people when he needed to.

After the weird weekend with Ginny, he was thankful to spend a day duplicating the many blank forms the offices used. If there was anything the Ministry loved, it was paperwork. The simple, mindless work was just enough effort to keep him from worrying, but he nonetheless welcomed his break for lunch. In the Ministry cafeteria, the tension returned when he saw Ron’s concerned face at an empty table.

“Finally, mate! I almost sent you a Patronus to see what was keeping you.”

“Sorry,” Harry said as he sat with a clatter of his tray, “I was held up by the lifts.” Harry put up a few light wards to give them a bit of privacy. “Did you talk to Ginny after I left?”

“Not about you. She was kind of quiet though.”

“Damn,” Harry nibbled at his lip. “Do you think she’s going to be okay?”

“She’ll come around. I mean, you did sleep with a _lot_ of people before her and she was okay when she thought they were all women, right?”

“Hmm, yeah. I suppose.” Harry took a few bites of his sandwich. “But maybe she’s not okay with those other women. And worse now that she knows some of them were men. She didn’t ask how many.”

“Maybe it doesn’t matter how many,” Ron said. “Just knowing that you did at all is enough.”

“Enough to leave me?” Harry asked in alarm.

“No! No, just that the specifics don’t matter. She didn’t ask about how many women you slept with either, right? It’s enough to know that you did.”

“You’re not making me feel better right now,” Harry grumbled. Ron only laughed. Harry jumped when the wards behind him gave warning of another person. Turning, he saw Draco Malfoy frowning at the space in front of him. Harry lowered the wards to let him in. “Sorry, Malfoy, I was having a moment with Ron. Please, join us.”

“I don’t want to interrupt.” Malfoy turned as though to walk away with his tray.

“No, it’s all right. It’s not really work talk.” Harry pushed out a chair with his foot for Malfoy to sit in. “It’s really busy today and I know there aren’t many seats. Sit. How are things in the Archives?”

Malfoy pulled a face, “The same shite as usual. It’s hard to remember sometimes that the Ministry is run by grown adults. But I only have to endure it until Wednesday, and then I’m off to Milan for four days.”

“Should Astoria be traveling so late in her pregnancy?” Harry asked.

Malfoy huffed a small laugh, “Astoria isn’t going with me. It’s hard to get laid when you’re dragging your sour, pregnant wife with you. No, it’s a birthday present to myself.” 

“Oh,” Harry said, looking down at his plate. He wasn’t sure how to follow up that sort of comment. A glance at Ron showed he didn’t either.

Malfoy looked at the two of them and laughed again. “Really, you should see your faces! You know Astoria’s only with me until the baby comes. She’s already got her divorce papers ready to file as soon as he or she is born.” Calmly he ate his sandwich while Ron and Harry digested this information.

“That’s rather mercenary,” Harry finally said.

Malfoy shrugged. “‘Get an heir’ was on my list of things to do. ‘Secure a steady income’ was on hers. It fit together perfectly.”

“Well this has been lovely,” Ron said as he gathered his rubbish and dishes. “Harry, that thing we were talking about, don’t worry about it. I’ll owl you if I hear anything.”

“Thanks, mate. If she has questions, answer what you can. Hermione, too. It might be easier for them to talk to you than me.”

“I don’t think that’s true, but all right then.” He nodded at them both and made his way out of the cafeteria.

Malfoy asked, “Everything all right?”

“I don’t know. Ginny and I had a… I don’t know... a moment? I guess. This weekend. Not sure how she’s going to take it.”

“Is she tired of the attentions of a handsome, rich young man that dotes on her? Yes, I imagine it would get wearying, to have someone showering attention and gifts on me all the time.”

Harry laughed, “Am I really handsome?”

“You’re passable. It’s the hair, now that it’s less ‘bird’s nest’ and more ‘just shagged.’”

Self-consciously Harry ruffled his hair. He was saved from making a response by the arrival of Lydia from the Apparition Testing Centre. Without preamble, she launched into an animated story about a graphic splinching, heedless of the meal they were eating. Harry listened with half an ear, still thinking about Ginny and what this weekend would bring.

\--------

Harry didn’t hear from Ron or Ginny all week so he assumed he was overreacting with all his worrying. He threw his work robes into the laundry when he got home Friday evening, and made his way into the bathroom for a quick shower before Ginny arrived.

Dressed in trackies and t-shirt, he began pulling out food for dinner. Hopefully leftovers would be good enough because he was too tired to cook anything. He was just cracking open a bottle of butterbeer when he heard the whoosh of the floo in the sitting room.

“In here!” he called out from the kitchen.

Ginny blew in like a whirlwind and into his arms for a warm hug and long kiss. It was hard, missing her all week while she trained with the Harpies. Her body pressed to his pulled out all the stress from his work week.

She smiled up at him. “How are you, love? Good week at work?”

“It was good. Long, but good,” he answered, kissing the top of her head. She ran her hands through his wet hair and nuzzled his nose. He sighed contentedly, “Better now that you’re here. Help me with dinner?”

They reheated plates of food and carried them out to the balcony to enjoy the setting sun. Ginny prattled on about her week of training. The Harpies signed two new reserve Chasers at the beginning of summer and they were having an adjustment period.

As usual on Friday evenings, they put in a film and ate popcorn on the sofa. Ginny loved to yell at the characters and poke fun at cheesy dialogue. She nestled into Harry’s side, fitting perfectly in the curve of his arm. These moments were Harry’s favorite, when it was just the two of them and no outside distractions.

Harry’s first sign that something was off-kilter was when Ginny pulled a set of pyjamas from her overnight bag. Usually she slept naked or in one of Harry’s t-shirts, saving the hassle of packing pyjamas for when she was on her period. But it was too soon for that, so Harry was confused. He didn’t say anything as he climbed into bed, naked as he usually was. 

Ginny turned out the light and lay down next to him. They lay facing each other, their legs tangled and her hand on his hip. She leaned forward to give him a light kiss on the lips. “You don’t mind if we go right on to sleep, do you? I’m knackered from practice this week.”

“Er, no, of course not.” 

Ginny sighed and caressed his cheek. “Mmm, thanks. Good night then, love.”

“Good night,” he whispered. He pulled her closer and turned so her body could lay fully against his. Her head was tucked under his chin and he kissed the top of her head. 

This was a little unusual, but Harry refused to panic about it. Usually they were both pretty desperate for sex after spending their weekdays away from each other. But every so often, Ginny was too worn after flying all week. That was all this was. 

The next morning, Ginny came down to breakfast already showered and dressed. Harry hid his disappointment that they couldn’t shower together. Panic swelled in him but it calmed when she kissed him lightly before taking her plate to the table. He sat across from her, stretching his legs out so they could rest lightly against hers. And he forced himself not to overreact to her distance. She’d had a long week and she probably wasn’t even thinking of Harry’s past relationships at all.

Or so he thought, until they left the house for the weekly shopping. Ginny eyed the houses across the street, clearly wondering which was Phillip’s. When he caught her eye and raised an eyebrow, she only smiled.

“Not going to lock up?” she asked as they headed down the street.

“Nah, let them have what they want. It's all just junk anyway.” Harry was signing the papers next week for the new cottage and was considering leaving nearly everything behind in his flat for the next occupant. 

“Hey! I gave you some of that ‘junk’!”

“Yeah and those things are all carefully warded, so if we come back to a pile of chicken feathers, we'll know someone tried to take them.”

Ginny laughed and shook her head at him. Harry smiled back, filled with warmth at her happiness. He brought their joined hands up to kiss the back of her hand.

On the way home, laden with groceries and ice cream, Ginny again glanced across the street before following Harry into his flat. 

“Hoping for another peek?” Harry asked.

Ginny snorted. “I know, I know. Stop snooping on the neighbors. Sorry, I know it’s rude. I’m just curious, I guess.”

Harry began unpacking the bags and said, “You could ask _me_ , you know.”

“Yeah…” she said quietly. She nibbled her lip and finished off the last of her ice cream. “How did you know? That you were interested in men?”

“It was kind of an accident. I was at a club, and it was dark and loud. Had a lot to drink, too. Anyway, I was dancing and someone came up behind me and manoeuvred us to a darker sort of corner. I didn’t even realize it was a bloke. He kissed my neck, and stuck his hand right down my pants.” 

Harry blushed, looking at Ginny, but she was just nodding along to his story.

“He, er, brought me off, and I turned to offer some sort of return favor and realized it was a man. I didn’t want to make a fuss so I just apologized for being new to the scene, and said I didn’t know what to do. He kissed me and wanked himself, then disappeared. After that, I just sort of fed the curiosity.”

Harry bit his lip, his heart racing. Ginny didn’t say anything as she started the kettle for tea. Harry tucked his shopping bags in their corner and brought the milk and sugar to the table. Ginny stirred absently, still thinking.

“Did you ever bring anyone back here?”

“Only Patrick. That’s how - how Ron knew.”

Ginny gave a sad smile. “Why didn’t you tell us? Did you think we wouldn’t keep your secret?”

“No, it’s just that once one person knows, other people find out. And I didn’t know how I felt about that. Everyone always makes such a big deal about everything I do… And now I have you so it seems like it’s a non-issue now,” he said with a smile. 

For a moment she looked genuinely happy, then a thoughtful look passed before she sipped her tea again. The odd moment stretched on until Harry stood to pull ingredients for the bread he usually made for Burrow Brunch.

He dumped yeast in the warm water to proof and then pulled Ginny to her feet. She smiled as he held her close and swayed them in a little dance. “I went through a lot of ups and downs, trying to get myself together so I could date an amazing woman.” He twirled them around, making Ginny giggle. “None of them matter. Except you. I love you.”

“I love you too, you nutter.” Ginny kissed him hard then pulled away, slapping his arse on the way back to her chair.

With a broad smile, Harry added flour to the yeast. While the bread rose, they pottered around the house and tended Harry’s small container garden. Well, tried to garden. Neither of them enjoyed it much so mostly they just read and enjoyed each other's company in the bright sunshine.

By evening, Harry was in high spirits. He’d missed his Ginny over the past week of anxiety and separation. It seemed her worries were laid to rest and he’d be finding comfort in her arms. He waited in bed, giving up on trying to keep his erection at bay. Ginny, dressed in one of his larger t-shirts, slid into bed with a nervous nibble of her lip. They rolled into the middle of the bed, facing each other, and tangled their legs together as usual. But this time there were no roaming hands and soft kisses.

“Everything okay?” he asked into the dark.

“Yeah, I’m just not sure about today. But then it’ll be next week before we can go again and that’s a long time.”

“Hey, it’s all right. If you’re not up for anything, we don’t have to.”

“I know, but you’re all… “ Her hand ghosted across his hard prick, then covered her face. “I’m so sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay, love.” He pulled her hand away from her face and kissed the tip of her nose, then her lips. “I’m a big boy and can wait until next week. It’s fine. Really. I’m just glad you’re here with me.”

“But what about your - “

“It’ll go away. Come here.”

She turned to press her back to him. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the nape of her neck before settling back into his pillow. He was disappointed, but also happy to be snuggled up with her.

Just after the war, Harry had nearly lost himself in one-offs and alcohol. Patrick, and later a Mind Healer, had helped him see that sex did not equal love and he would never be happy continuing on that way. He was always afraid of falling back on old habits and using Ginny for sex. Probably some abandonment and dissociation issues still lurking, even after all these years. He held her tight and reminded himself he didn't need physical affection to be loved. 

Ginny stayed near him during Sunday brunch but Harry felt the emotional distance between them. Perhaps she didn’t want to cause a scene, and indeed no one seemed to notice anything was wrong between them.

Harry only had time to owl a short letter to Ginny over the week. Work was busier than usual with an influx of Acromantula eggs to deal with. Harry was assigned to work with the Aurors to locate the source of the eggs, and also a proper home for them. It was a little disappointing that Ron was avoiding the case at all costs, because they rarely got the chance to work together.

He took a personal day to meet the estate agent early on Friday morning to sign the papers for his new cottage near Godric’s Hollow. It took most of the day to walk the perimeter to both clear a path for his running, and to ward the house against all and everyone. That included blocking the floo for every fireplace except his flat in London. Eventually they would share the address with close, trusted friends and family. But for a little while, at least, this would be just for the two of them. 

Harry couldn't wait to show Ginny. In two weeks, she would have a short break in training and he intended to spend it turning this house into a home for the two of them.

With one last joyful spin around the empty sitting room, he flooed back to his stupid flat to await Ginny. He showered and dressed in fitted jeans and a short-sleeved linen button down. Deciding against cooking, he instead popped out for take-away curry. He packed the food, along with butterbeer and apple tarts, for a picnic in the new cottage. 

Now he just had to wait for Ginny. 

Two hours later, Harry was ready to tear his hair out in worry. It was nearly nine and he hadn't heard a peep from her. He tried to floo Ron and Hermione but they weren't at home. He wondered if it was too late to floo Molly and Arthur, but decided they would understand. 

“Molly? Arthur?” he called into the green flames. 

Molly bustled into the kitchen in her dressing gown, her face drawn in worry. “Harry! Everything all right? Is Ginny okay?”

“That's what I'm calling for. I haven't seen her all evening and I'm just making sure she was still coming over.”

“Oh! Then you must have missed her owl. She's out celebrating! I'll let her tell you herself, but she sent you an owl to let you know they'd be at the Golden Snitch tonight.”

“Oh, well then. Glad it's nothing serious. I'll just floo over there and see what everyone is up to.”

“Have a good night, Harry dear, and we'll see you Sunday!”

“Good night, Molly.”

Brushing ash from his jeans, Harry assessed his clothes and figured they'd do well enough for a night out. Before going, he put away the picnic things and looked for a letter from Ginny, but found nothing. 

Shrugging it off, he tossed more floo powder into the fire and left for the Golden Snitch. The pub was loud, and more crowded than usual. Ginny loved this bar for its Quidditch theme - photos of famous players on the wall, illuminated snitches zooming around the ceiling, and, best of all, discounted drinks for players. 

Harry loved it for the extensive list of Quidditch-foul inspired mocktails, since many athletes didn't drink during the season. He was sober for one year and eight months, and places like this didn't make him feel so odd for not drinking. He picked up a quafflepock and found Ginny. She was impossible to miss, surrounded as she was by all her teammates. 

“Harry!” she yelled when she saw him, already a little tipsy. “You found me! I knew you would!” She pulled him down next to her, shoving one of the other giggling women out of the way. “You won't believe it! I've made the national team!”

The rest of the Harpies gave a rousing cheer and tossed back their drinks. 

Harry grinned at Ginny and pulled her in for a hug. “Gin, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you!”

“Gwen said _they_ asked _her_ for my application!” She whistled loudly and drank the last of her drink. She snapped her fingers at the barman, until he caught her eye with a nod and a wink. Minutes later, another tray of drinks appeared on their table. 

Ginny reached for one but Harry grabbed her hand. “If we're celebrating all night, maybe take it easy?”

“Don't be a stick in the mud!” she said, tossing back the shot. “Come dance with me!”

Harry laughed as Ginny pulled him to the dance floor. She felt perfect, dancing in his arms. He loved the tiny hairs that escaped her clip, then curled at her temples. He loved the familiar spray of freckles across her cheeks. He loved the sparkly top she wore, that rode up just enough that his fingers could brush against the soft skin above the waistband of her jeans. 

Her pure joy at her good news radiated out from every piece of her, warming Harry completely. He danced with her, fetched her drinks, and finally took her home when her kisses became too deep for public consumption. 

He carried her to bed and stripped her out of her clothes to make her more comfortable for sleeping. She resisted the t-shirt he tried to put on her and instead giggled as she tried to pull his clothes off. 

“Harry, my sweet boy, take these off so I can feel you. All of you.” Her mouth captured his, searing him to the core.

Fuck, it had been so long…

With a groan, he pulled away. He picked up the t-shirt and again tried to get her into it. “Ginny, love, you know I can't. Not when you're like this.”

“Please Harry! I need you!” She wrapped her legs around his hips and grasped his hair for another kiss. “You taste heavenly. I've missed you so much.”

“I’m here, babe. We can play tomorrow. When you're sober.”

“No we can't! Because tomorrow I'll remember and I don't want to remember.” She dropped kisses along his cheeks, dragging her hands down his back. “I want to forget and have you like you used to be.” Her hands slipped under his shirt, trying to wrestle it over his head. 

“What.” 

Her hips rolled against his but any arousal he'd felt had died away. He pulled her arms from around his neck and got out of bed. “This isn't going to work, Gin. You need to sleep it off.” He gave up on trying to dress her by hand and instead used a spell. He’d always had trouble with that kind of spell, and indeed her shirt was on backwards. But he didn’t care. He tucked her into bed and summoned his own pyjamas from their hook behind the bathroom door.

“Harry…” she whined, trying to pull him back. 

He shook off her hand and made his way to the door. “Go to bed, Ginny. I’ll see you in the morning.” He closed the door despite her further protests and set a few wards that would be too complicated for her inebriated mind to decipher.

Harry went to the bathroom down the hall to ready for bed. Nausea crept up but he took a calming potion for it. He’d known things were on edge since she’d found out about Patrick but he didn’t realize it had gotten so bad. Did she really find it so distasteful? 

Mostly tossing and turning about in the guest room, he tried not to dwell on the alcoholic haze he'd lived in for the year after the war. It had taken a long time to get himself back together and now he felt jittery as he had back then. 

He woke early the next morning and decided to do his weekly shopping alone. He left tea, toast, and a hangover potion on Ginny’s bedside table, along with a note encouraging her to head to the Burrow for fresh clothes. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see her today. 

Harry took his time wandering the aisles of the grocery store. He tried to focus on his task but Gin’s words kept running through his mind, driving him spare. How he was before. Before what, exactly? Before she knew about Patrick? Before those other women? Before the war? Was she afraid he was going to leave her? 

Maybe he should go ahead with the plan to show her the cottage, show her that he was serious about them. Or maybe that would just guilt her into staying when she really wanted to leave.

Maybe they needed a little break from each other. If she spent a weekend or two at the Burrow, instead of with him, she’d remember what they had and miss him enough to forgive and forget. Or maybe she’d realize she could do fine without him. Besides, in a few weeks she’d be going off for training with the national team and they’d have more than enough separation.

Did she want to break things off before she left? Did she want to mend what they had? Would she talk with him about it instead of burying it all away? Is it that he had a semi-serious relationship before her? Or that the relationship was with a man?

Harry skipped their regular ice cream at Fortescue's, opting for tea and scones at Patty Cake cafe further down Diagon Alley. He was pleasantly surprised to find Malfoy reading a magazine at a corner table.

“Mind if I join you?” Harry asked.

Malfoy looked up, wide-eyed, “Potter! No, of course not. Please sit.” He made space for Harry at the table, tucking his magazine in one of his tote bags. “Just having a little treat before heading home with the groceries.”

Harry laughed and set his bags down next to Malfoy’s. “Ginny and I do the same, only it’s usually ice cream.”

“Trying something new today? The lemon tarts here are delicious!”

“I opted for strawberry scones. Ginny’s at home and I didn’t want to get ice cream without her.” Harry gave a half smile as he plucked a whipped cream covered strawberry off the top of the scone.

“Everything all right? You’re looking a little rumpled.”

“Eh, well, it was a bit of a rough night last night.” Harry sipped his tea and shook himself. “I won’t bore you with it. How are things with you? Astoria is nearing the end, yes?”

Draco’s face lit-up at talk of his baby. “Yes! Her due date is Wednesday! I’m afraid what she’ll do if it goes much beyond that. She’s ready to be shot of me completely. I think she regrets our deal.”

“I can’t imagine giving up a baby. But she’ll have others, right?” 

“That’s just it, I don’t think she - “ 

He was cut off abruptly by the arrival of a journalist from the Daily Prophet. “Mr Potter! Fancy seeing you here! The team lists are ready to run on Monday. Any comment for us about Ms Weasley? Where is she now? How is she taking the news? How will this impact your relationship?”

Harry blushed at the sudden influx of questions. He should have known this would happen and cursed his own stupidity in straying from the Muggle areas of London, but he'd nearly forgotten the reason they were out celebrating last night. He pasted on his media-ready smile and said, “I’m thrilled for her, of course. She’s a fantastic flyer and has broken two national records as chaser for the Harpies. England couldn't have chosen better!”

“What about rumors that she got her slot on the national team because of your influence?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “That’s ridiculous. Ginny Weasley is amazing and talented in her own right and doesn’t need me for anything. That’s all now. I’m sure Gwen and Ginny have a statement prepared for the paper.”

“But Mr Potter - “ A silencing spell made the reporter frown.

“I said that’s enough. If you’ll excuse me,” he paused to nod a goodbye at Malfoy, “I have to get back home. I have a big celebratory meal to prepare for my very favorite Quidditch player.” He turned to the reporter, “Follow me home at your own peril.”

Lips pursed in annoyance, the reporter could only nod curtly.

“Great. Malfoy, good luck this week!” 

Malfoy grinned and winked. Harry gathered his things and apparated away. Secretly hoping to avoid Ginny until Burrow Brunch the next day, he couldn’t help his sigh when he found her reading on his sofa. She wore her jeans from the night before with the t-shirt he’d made her sleep in, although now it was on properly.

“Hey, love,” he said with a kiss to her head as he passed by.

She followed him into the kitchen. “You went shopping without me.”

“Yeah, I figured you’d be knackered from last night. Did the hangover potion work?”

“Yes, thank you for leaving it for me.” She nibbled at a nail, watching him put the food away. “I got your note, too.”

Harry cleared his throat awkwardly, “Yeah.” He hesitated briefly then went on putting cheese and butter in the fridge. 

“Yeah, it maybe sounded like you wanted me to go home,” she said softly.

“Gin… “ Harry pulled her into a hug. With a sigh, she rested her head on his shoulder. “I always want you around. You know I love you. But last night…”

“Is it because I was sloshed? I know you don’t like when I drink so much and it’s so rare. I mean, we were just celebrating and - “

“No. It’s not that. Do you remember when we came home?”

“Not really. It’s all sort of fuzzy around the edges.”

“Well you said… “ Harry pulled back, unsure how to continue. He hated the worry in her eyes, the way her arms wrapped around herself. “Let’s sit. I think we need to talk.” He hated himself as soon as he said it. Those were never words to calm any situation, and she clearly took them at their worst.

She sat at the table, nibbling her lip. As soon as he sat across from her, she grabbed both his hands in hers. “I know things have been off for us lately, but you’re not giving up on me, are you?”

“What? No! Of course not! I love you. I’m just having trouble putting it all together right now. Last night… you said… you said you wanted me like I was before. And I don’t know what that means. I mean, before what exactly? And we can’t move back like that anyway so does it matter? I just - “

“Oh god,” Ginny said as she dropped her head into her hands. “Don’t, please. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not - you’re amazing. And I love you, just like you are.”

“But you said you wanted to forget and you wished - “

“I was drunk. And people say stupid things when they’re drunk. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It sounded like something. Sounded like something you’ve thought over enough times while sober that it finally slipped out while you were drunk.”

Ginny pulled a defensive pose and stared morosely at the table. She shook her head and started to speak several times but couldn’t seem to manage.

Harry’s voice broke a little as he asked, “I think it’s more than the drunken one-offs, yeah? It’s Patrick. Not just that I was with someone else for a while, but a man. Is that it?”

Her breath hitched a bit before she slowly nodded. She sniffed and wiped at her eye. “Those other women, it was easy enough to write them off. Clearly they didn’t mean anything to you. And I guess I was prepared for it? I saw it in the paper, I saw it in person. I could deal with it, put it away, let it go.”

She flicked a glance up at him but he didn’t respond, waiting to hear what would follow. Abruptly she stood and paced the small kitchen. Her confused rambling made Harry’s stomach churn. “But to find out you were with another man? I don’t know what to think of that. It’s not a possibility I even considered. And I can’t stop thinking about - about the mechanics of it all. I still love you and I want you so much but I keep thinking about it and it’s weird and… I don’t fucking know!”

It was as bad as Harry imagined. Or worse. “It’s not… I mean there are spells… “

“But you said there were muggles.”

“Well yeah, but I wasn’t trusting muggle methods to keep me safe. I just Confunded them a bit and no one noticed a charm or two to keep things, you know, safe.” He fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt in nervousness. “I’m, erm, clean. There’s no need to worry about that.”

“I know,” she said softly. “I get tested during my physical so…” 

“Oh.” Harry felt small. And dirty.

She sighed, eyes trained on the floor. “It’s just going to take some time to adjust to, is all. But I’m scared of losing you in the process.”

She grasped at his shirt when he hugged her again, and buried her face in his neck. He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Gin. Please don’t push me away.”

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I’ll figure it out, all right?”

“ _We’ll_ figure it out.”

She gave him a watery smile, “Right, we’ll figure it out.” Wiping at her eyes, she stepped back. “I’m going home to get some clothes, but then I’m coming right back, all right?”

“Yeah, okay. Hungry? I’ll make us a late lunch.”

“Sounds wonderful.” She kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair. “Miss me.”

“Always,” he said with a relieved smile. 

Ginny had only been gone a few minutes when her Patronus appeared with a message, “Held up by reporters. Make it dinner instead.”

Relief leaching away, Harry abandoned the kitchen for telly and ice cream in the sitting room. Another Patronus at dinner time said, “Can’t make it over. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Harry vanished the dinner he’d prepared and went to bed early.


	2. Ch 2

All the Weasleys gathered at the Burrow that weekend to celebrate Ginny’s good news. The laughter and teasing picked up after their impromptu Quidditch game when Ginny’s team lost. Harry would keep that snitch forever.

Harry stayed so late at the Burrow, that dragging himself to work on Monday was more of a chore than usual. He was stopped frequently on his path through the Ministry as people congratulated him over and over for Ginny’s placement on the national team. Harry radiated pride and bragged to all and everyone about his girlfriend’s accomplishments. 

His work was frequently interrupted for the same, but he didn’t care. Even when he went for his evening run, he had to stop a few times for witches or wizards that wanted a moment to chat. Harry went along with all of it, grateful that for once the attention was on someone else.

On Wednesday, Harry was assigned to a dispute over a border between a wizard and the centaur herd that lived adjacent. Harry went to the Ministry Archives to see if he could locate the original treaty between the two groups. Malfoy was there to help him as usual. But he was clearly distracted with his work. He anxiously stared at an intricate silver wrought rattle while they looked through collections of scrolls. 

After the second time that Malfoy set his ear up against it and paused, Harry finally asked, “What’s with the rattle?”

“It’s charmed so when Astoria goes into labor, it’ll rattle. But I’m worried I won’t hear it. Or I think I hear it and it’s nothing. And I haven’t been able to stop looking at it for days. And I can’t sleep because I’m afraid I’ll miss it.” Malfoy ran his fingers through his hair, leaving it adorably mussed.

“Why don’t you just go home? You’re clearly having a hard time working.”

“I can’t. I’m saving my holiday for when the baby is here. And it’s worse at home with nothing to distract me.” He shook his head and pulled another stack of scrolls from their box. He handed two to Harry then paused to look at the rattle again.

After a few moments of silence, Harry couldn’t resist asking, “Did you hear that?”

Malfoy tossed his scrolls and scrambled for the rattle. “Did you hear it? I didn’t hear it! Is it rattling?”

Harry laughed at Malfoy’s scowl. “Sorry! You’re such an easy mark right now!”

“You are a sour little fucker, Potter! This isn’t a joking matter!”

“Sorry,” Harry said, biting his lip against the smile that wouldn’t be hidden.

Malfoy gave a sheepish shrug and an eyeroll. “I know I’m being ridiculous. This has been harder than we thought. And my nerves are shot. It’s going to be fine. I’ve read this feeling is typical with new fathers…”

“It’s going to be great. I’m happy for you.”

Malfoy beamed, “I’m happy for me too.”

They worked in silence after that, with Malfoy frequently letting his eyes stray to the silver rattle. Eventually Harry found what he needed and went to the portkey office to visit with some centaurs.

When Harry returned to Archives on Friday to return the scrolls, he didn’t find Malfoy. He handed the scrolls over to Marjorie, one of the two ancient witches that worked in the department as well. “Where’s Malfoy? Has the baby come?”

“Yes! A little boy!” she said with a soft twinkle in her eye. “Draco left yesterday afternoon. A bit of a rough time for his wife but little Scorpius Hyperion came last night around eleven. Only two point eight kilos. Such a tiny thing! Draco sent us a message this morning. He’ll be off for the next two weeks with his new family.”

“That’s great! You think he’ll be okay with me visiting?”

“Certainly! He’s invited Selina and me to visit so he likely won’t mind if you drop in.”

Harry left work early that afternoon and made his way to St Mungo’s. The Welcome Witch smiled kindly and directed him a few blocks over to St Gerard’s birthing center. The nondescript brick building was cozy and warm on the inside, with soft lighting and large pictures of chubby infants. The Welcome Witch there buzzed the Malfoys’ room, and a beaming Draco met him at the desk.

“Potter! You heard the news then! So glad you could come!” He pulled Harry into a rough hug. “Our room is this way.” Malfoy practically bounced down a well-lit hall to a room at the end. He paused before opening the door. “Unfortunately, this visit will have to be short. Astoria isn’t doing so well after the delivery.”

“Oh, I can come back. Or wait ‘til you’re at home.” Harry pointed back the way they came, unsure if he should go or not.

“Nonsense! You’re my first visitor, aside from immediate family. And,” his smile drooped a little, “Astoria’s not likely to get better so may as well.”

A flash of unease hit Harry but he didn’t know how to avoid the visit now. “Oh, er, all right then.” 

It was a fairly typical hospital room, with a bed in the center, a comfortable armchair, a little stool, sink, and door to a bathroom. The walls were a soft blue and the lights were dimmed, calming Harry’s anxiety. 

Malfoy pulled him over to the corner with a rolling cot and lifted a blue bundle out. “This is Scorpius.” He nuzzled the baby’s cheeks and kissed his forehead before passing him to Harry.

“He’s so tiny!” Harry marveled at the tiny round face. He caressed the impossibly tiny fingers tucked under Scorpius’s chin. “Look how tiny his fingers are! Draco, this is amazing!”

“I know. It was rough yesterday. The rattle blared like - “ He cut off when the bathroom door opened. Harry hadn’t seen Astoria in a while, but he was taken aback by her haggard appearance. This was more than simple exhaustion from childbirth could possibly account for. Her skin hung off her frame, and her eyes darted around like she’d expected the door to open to somewhere else. With shaky hands, she reached for Malfoy and awkwardly shuffled forward.

“Tori, dear, let me help you to bed.” Malfoy wrapped an arm around her, steadying her movements.

“Is the baby all right? I can’t find my green slippers. Did you take them?”

“No, dear, they’re on your feet.” Both Astoria and Harry looked down at her green-slipper-clad feet.

“These are red. Is the baby all right? These slippers itch my feet. I want my green ones. Find them for me. Where’s the baby? Is he all right?”

“Yes, dear.” Draco tucked her into the bed then offered her a set of ear buds. “Would you like some music?”

“Yes. Is the baby all right?”

Draco tucked the ear buds in and even from across the room Harry could hear the loud blast of drums and guitars. Astoria leaned into her pillows with a soft sigh. Moments later, her eyes closed and her face lost it’s pinched look.

“Sorry,” Malfoy said as he joined Harry and Scorpius, “no matter how many times I tell her the baby is here with us, she can’t remember.” He rubbed a light circle over Scorpius’s head and smiled down at his son. “She’s having a hard time.”

“It’s all right. Isn’t the music a little loud?”

“One would think but it calms her down. We got here yesterday afternoon and it was one problem after another. Her magic went completely haywire once active labor started. Honestly, we weren’t sure if either of them were going to make it.” Malfoy reached for the baby and Harry handed him over without hesitation. Malfoy nuzzled the baby again and said softly, “He pulled through like a little champ. The mediwitch gave him a bottle and he slept like a lamb for a few hours so we could get Astoria… settled. Sorry, here, you came to see the baby and I didn’t mean to take him.”

“It’s okay,” Harry said kindly. He ran a finger over a round baby cheek and smiled. “He looks like you.”

“He looks like a potato, but I appreciate it nonetheless.” 

“When do you get to go home?”

“Scorpius and I can probably leave tomorrow. Astoria might be transferred to St Mungo’s. We’re going to see how she is tomorrow. I’m hoping to find a mediwitch that can look after her at home but… Well, we just don’t know yet.”

Scorpius stretched and yawned in his blanket, rolling his head side to side. He settled back into sleep with a jagged sigh.

“Well I think that’s about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Harry said with a smile.

“Isn’t he amazing? He’s hardly left my arms. I can’t put him down because I just can’t believe it’s real.”

“I’m so happy for you. If you need anything, you’ll let me know, yeah?”

“Yes, thank you, Harry. I will. We’ll have to see what happens with Astoria. But, yeah, I’ll let you know.”

Harry hugged Malfoy one last time and slipped quietly out the door. He whistled a happy tune as he made his way home. New babies were so precious, and so itty bitty. Harry made fanciful plans for a future where he and Ginny were married and welcoming little potatoes of their own. With bright red hair and sparkling green eyes. 

Feeling so warm and fuzzy, he missed Ginny more than usual over the weekend. The members of the national team were gathered at the designated training camp for photos, and a meet and greet. Harry threw himself into his work so he could have some holiday time for Ginny’s one last free week before training swept her away in July.

During the week, he went back to his cottage to reconsider showing it to her, but decided against it in the end. She would be leaving in such a short time, and he wanted their available time to be filled with each other and not decorating a place she wouldn’t see again for months. 

He also visited Draco a few times at his flat, adorned with baby things now, and held Scorpius for a bit while Draco showered. He brought food for Draco to reheat, and helped with laundry and scouring charms. He learned Astoria was still at St Mungo’s and would hopefully be released the following week. 

On the last Sunday in June, Harry took a portkey out to Ginny’s camp for a team dinner before their holiday began. The party couldn’t be anything but festive, with everyone’s hopes high for a successful season. Ginny glowed with the excitement of a lifelong dream finally met. She winked at Harry across the room as she chatted with another chaser and his wife. 

Harry made small talk and was surprised when someone asked for his autograph but he relaxed when the teenaged wizard asked for Ginny’s as well. They both signed the little napkin, and laughed when the boy preserved it with a stasis charm until he could get it framed.

“Mr Potter, quite a popular young man you are!” Ginny teased.

“Well, I _do_ have the hottest Quidditch player around on my arm. Everyone’s so jealous right now. I rather like it.”

“You’re having a good time, then? I know these aren’t your favorite kinds of things.”

“Of course I’m having a good time. My sexy, brilliant girlfriend is being recognized for her amazing talent! I could do this all night!”

Ginny laughed at his silly grin and shook her head. “You’re such a sap. I’m going to the ladies, and then I want to dance with you again.”

Harry kissed her temple and smiled as she walked off. He made his way back to the bar, to get a refill on his sparkling grape juice. He felt like a four year old ordering such a ridiculous drink but the barman didn’t seem to care. Harry scanned the crowd for Ginny while he waited. He skimmed over a handsome man but darted back when he saw the other man wink at him. Well. That hadn’t happened in a while.

The young man tossed blond fringe from his eyes and sauntered over. “Harry Potter, yeah? I’m Ben, Elise’s brother.” He gave a wide disarming smile and offered his hand for Harry to shake.

“Elise is keeper, right? It’s hard to keep everyone straight.”

“Maybe because we’re not all straight,” Ben said with another wink.

Harry couldn’t help but laugh. “Does that line work?”

“Eh, sometimes. Gotta read the crowd for those sorts of things. You’re here with Ginny Weasley?”

“Yeah. Chaser.”

“Right, right. That serious?”

“Absolutely,” Harry said with a grin as he finally caught sight of Ginny. She began making her way through the crowd to him.

“That’s a shame. If you’re ever free, floo me.” He pulled a card from his pocket and tucked it into Harry’s sport coat pocket. With a last wink, he disappeared into the crowd.

Harry shook his head at Ben’s audacity. One of the best things about his well-publicized relationship with Ginny was that sort of thing didn’t happen much anymore. He slipped a hand around her waist and kissed her cheek, relieved it was nearly time to go.

“Shall we dance, my dearest?” he whispered into her ear. She giggled and pulled him onto the dance floor. As they swayed he pulled her close so he could hear her hum along to the music. 

Halfway through the song she asked, “Who was that you were talking to?”

“Hm? Oh, Ben. Don’t think he gave a last name. Here with Elise. Her brother? I don’t remember already, isn’t that awful?”

“Mm,” she said noncommittally. They continued dancing but Ginny didn’t feel soft anymore. Her body still swayed with his, but the movements weren’t as smooth as moments before. 

“Is something wrong?” Harry asked hesitantly.

“No, it’s fine,” she said with a shake of her head. She smiled at him and gave him a peck on the lips. “I’m tired now. When’s the portkey?”

Harry twisted his wrist to check his watch. “About forty minutes. Want to go early? Where are your things?”

Ginny took his hand and pulled him off the dance floor towards the door. “They’ve got our things in the office. Let’s go find it.” They made their way out of the room, stopping frequently for hugs and good-byes. Ginny signed the form to release her bags and found her labeled portkey by the door.

Shortly after, the portkey landed them at the Burrow. Molly and Arthur greeted them with more hugs and congratulations. They settled in with tea to catch up with all Ginny had been doing for the last week and a half.

Ginny was smothering her second yawn when Molly finally said they wouldn’t keep them any longer. Ginny hugged her parents one last time then followed Harry through the floo to his flat. He’d left a bottle of ginger beer to chill under a charm, as well as a basket of chocolate covered strawberries and a plate of chocolate biscuits.

“Oh! What’s all this?” Ginny asked with a soft smile.

“A little something for a private celebration all our own,” Harry said. He flicked his wand at the wireless to get some soft music to play. He pulled Ginny close and kissed her. “We’ve got one last week together before you go off to be an even more famous Quidditch player and I want to enjoy every moment with you.”

They sat together sipping their drinks and sharing the strawberries, but without the distraction of a large crowd of people, the distance between them loomed large. Ginny kissed him, but held herself back. Harry’s lighthearted conversation and occasional caress did nothing to calm her.

“Is everything all right?” he finally asked.

Ginny set her drink down and lay her head on his shoulder, draping her arm across his waist. “Yeah, I guess I’m just tired. It’s been a lot this week, with the publicity and all.” She tilted back her head to look at him. “I’m happy to be here with you. And I’m looking forward to this little holiday. But I’m also excited about training and itching to get started.”

Harry smiled, “It’s going to be hard without you. But I’m so happy for you! You’re going to be amazing.”

“Harry Potter, my biggest fan.” She smiled at him and pulled him in for a lingering kiss.

“Let’s go to bed. I didn’t mean to keep you up so late.”

Harry kissed and caressed Ginny but he could feel her sluggish response and knew she was too tired for any further intimacies. He rolled them so she could rest her head on his shoulder and he could caress her back. She curled into him and sighed as she settled into sleep. Harry kissed the top of her head and did the same, content she was with him for the week.

The next morning, Harry woke to the clatter and clang of someone toiling in the kitchen. Ginny was wearing one of his t-shirts, a piece of toast in one hand and a spatula in the other as she flipped bacon. Her hips swayed along to the song she was humming. 

Harry smiled at the sight, especially when she startled at his, “Good morning!”

“Oh! You’re up! I’m working on breakfast.” She pointed at the worktop with a plate of eggs already finished and waiting.

“I see that. It looks perfect.” He wrapped his arms around her, letting both hands coast down to squeeze her bum. 

“Harry! You naughty thing! The bacon’s going to burn!” she laughed.

“Let it. You look better than bacon.”

“That’s very flattering but seriously, cut it out.” She laughed as he slapped her arse and put the kettle on for tea.

“So, my dearest, what sort of plans do you have for this week? I’ve taken the whole week off work so all my time is yours!”

“Well there’s a strict diet during training so I want to squeeze in as many calories as I can.”

“Abundant sweets. What else?”

“There will also be vigorous exercise so let’s laze about.”

“Marathon. Perfect. Maybe ‘Lord of the Rings’?”

“Yes! Lovely.” She set the bacon on the table and summoned the eggs. “My mum is also doing another big family dinner at some point.”

They made lofty plans until they’d finished eating. Harry cleaned up the kitchen while Ginny went to shower. Harry was just finishing up when Ginny returned with a card in hand.

“Harry, what’s this?”

“I don’t know,” he said, reaching for it. “Where was it?”

“In your coat pocket. From yesterday. I was putting our clothes away from last night and it fell out.”

Harry frowned and looked down at the card. “Oh. Ben. The keeper’s brother. He gave it to me. It’s nothing.” Harry moved to toss it in the rubbish bin but Ginny grabbed it from his hand.

“I thought I saw him give you something! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s nothing. Just a crazy fan. You know how it is. People try and pull that shite all the time. I just ignore it.”

“ _People_ don’t do that anymore I thought.”

“I guess? I don’t know. I’m famous, Gin. People like to think we’re friends when really we’re not anything. You’ve gotten the same since joining the Harpies.”

“I’ve not taken anyone’s floo address though!”

“I didn’t _take_ his address, he gave it to me. I wasn’t going to make a scene about it then and I’d forgotten about it until now. It’s nothing.”

Ginny crossed her arms like she wanted to rant at him but instead sighed and Vanished the card with a flick of her wand. Harry hugged her carefully. “It’s nothing, Gin.”

“I know.” She pulled away with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I was being ridiculous, it won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay. I get jealous too,” Harry said with a little grin.

“I wasn’t jealous!” Ginny snapped.

Harry tensed, “Yeah, all right, sorry.”

She sighed, “It’s fine. I’m getting in the shower for real now.”

Harry nodded and at least knew enough not to suggest he join her. He wanted to kiss her, to feel her body surrender to his, to be reassured of her love. But he reminded himself that physical intimacy did not equal love and she needed space. Full of nervous energy, he decided to go for a run.

He popped in ear buds and let the music set the pace for his run. He’d made a stress-release playlist that included both fast and slow songs that demanded focus to adhere to. He’d found it the best way to regain control of wayward emotions, and release pent-up energy, so he didn’t fall back on alcohol and sex like he did just after the war.

When he returned to the flat, Ginny was reading in the armchair by the window. She gave him a half smile, which he returned with a nod. He wasn’t sure what to say to her. Their little squabble that morning hadn’t been his fault, had it? He hated that guilty feeling when he’d done nothing wrong. Unwilling to work himself into another frenzy, he forced it away while he showered. They were going to have a good time this week, and it would begin with Harry pasting another smile on his face and pretending it hadn’t happened.

And maybe that would have worked if they didn’t go to a muggle restaurant for lunch. Harry could say what he wanted about members of the magical community flirting with him as a celebrity. But in the muggle world, he was no one special. So when the waiter set their plates down with a wink for Harry alone, there was no defense.

Even if he didn’t want or return the wink.

Ginny ate half her meal in charged silence, then said she’d rather take the rest home. Harry sighed and asked for two boxes, along with the bill.

Their waiter returned with two empty boxes and a small box. “Don’t want you to miss out on sweets, sweetie,” he said with a wide smile. 

As soon as they got home, Ginny popped open the small box to reveal both a slice of chocolate cake and the waiter’s mobile number. Harry Vanished the whole thing before she could. “It’s nothing, Gin.”

“I know,” she said quietly.

That night, Harry lay in bed waiting to see what Ginny would say when she got to bed. Predictably, she made no move towards intimacy beyond laying her head on his shoulder and dropping her hand across his waist. If she noticed his pyjama bottoms, she didn’t say anything about it.

When it became obvious she wasn’t going to mention anything about their lunch earlier, Harry finally whispered, “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Harry,” she said softly.

“You can’t say that, Gin. You’ve been so… distant all day. Is it because the bloke at the restaurant gave me his number?”

Ginny rolled onto her back with a heavy sigh. His stomach clenched at the sound. Whatever she said next was going to hurt.

“It’s just… now that I know you’ve been with another man, I can’t help but worry that you’ll - “ His heart clenched as her voice cracked, “maybe you’ll leave me for another man.”

 _Really_ fucking hurt.

“Ginny, love, how can you think that?”

“I don’t know. It’s stupid, I know but I keep… I keep thinking about it and then you’ve got random pricks flirting with you like I’m not sitting right there and that’s never happened before. Or at least not that I’ve noticed. And it’s worse because I’m all right with other women flirting with you. I’m confident enough to know I can keep you. But another man? That’s a whole category of things I can’t compete with. All I can think about is some bloke making eyes at you and you thinking, ‘Damn, if only I didn’t have this cunt to deal with.’”

“You think I’d ever think of you that way?”

“I don’t know, Harry, I didn’t say it was rational or likely! I can’t help it. You’ve got fans and crazies after you all the time! Who’s to say a bloke won’t catch your eye? I don’t know how to deal with the possibility you could leave me for him.”

“The same way you know I won’t leave you for another woman! I love you! I want to spend my life with you!” He turned to embrace her, but she pushed him away. He sighed, “I don’t know what to say here. You just have to trust me. To know that I love you. That I want you more than I want anyone else.”

“I’m trying. I really am. I just need time, I guess. To sort it in my mind. I know you love me. And I love you too. Please don’t give up on me.”

“Never. I’ll always love you. And I’ll try, I guess, not to push or - or anything. Just don’t push me away. Please.” This time when he pulled her in for a hug, she let him. He held her trembling body and struggled not to cry. He couldn't bear it if she left, especially for thinking he might leave her.

He decided to show her the cottage after all. And then she’d know what she meant to him.

He slept lightly and woke earlier than usual the next morning. He flooed to the cottage to quickly banish the dust that had gathered. He conjured a bouquet of vibrant red roses and set them in a tall conjured vase in the center of the sitting room. There wasn’t really time for more so he flooed back home and decided to make a big breakfast for them to share before heading over.

Ginny woke while he was cooking, and sat at the table with a nervous nibble to her lips. “Harry,” she said softly. 

“Morning, love. I made breakfast!” He couldn’t contain his grin, sure that her mood would brighten when she saw the cottage. “And I have a surprise for you!”

“Harry,” she sighed again. “Please don’t.”

“Don’t what? Spoil you? I love to spoil you.” He made a kissy face at her and sat down across from her, piling his plate with bacon, eggs, and toast.

“No,” she said with a little laugh. She took his hand and peered into his eyes. “I mean no big grand gestures.”

Harry swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “Who said I was planning a _big, grand_ gesture?”

She shook her head with another huffing laugh, “Oh Harry, you are full of grand gestures. And I don’t think I’m ready for that right now.”

He nodded and looked down at his plate, poking his eggs with his fork. “It was just a little gesture. I thought maybe, we could get away for a while…”

“Running away to somewhere else isn’t going to make this better.”

“No, I know. I just…” He cleared his throat and sipped his juice. He reached out to squeeze her hand. “I just wanted to spoil you. But we don’t have to. We can stay here.”

She squeezed his hand back. “I’d like to stay here. With you.” She smiled and took a piece of toast to nibble. “Maybe we can eat ice cream for lunch and watch ‘Fellowship.’”

“Yeah,” he grinned, “that sounds great.”

The day went peacefully until bedtime. Harry pulled his pyjamas on like he had before and awaited Ginny in bed. He sighed in relief when she curled her body around his. It wasn’t enough to make him sleep easy but he at least had her near. 

On Wednesday morning, Harry woke early for a run while Ginny was sleeping. He stopped off for fresh scones and blueberry muffins on the way home, and was waylaid by a magical couple that wanted to offer congratulations to Ginny, and get a photograph with Harry. The delay meant he arrived at his flat much later than he anticipated. 

Ginny was pacing the sitting room with worry. “Where have you been?”

“Running.” He held up the bag in his hands, “And getting a little treat for breakfast.”

“Next time leave a note, all right?” She came up to hug him. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I’d be held up and - “

“What is that smell?”

“The muffins? Blueberry muffins.”

“No, it’s perfume. Who were you with, Harry?”

“No one. I went running, then stopped at the bakery for muffins. There was a couple there that wanted a picture with me. Maybe the wife had on some kind of perfume? I didn’t really pay attention.”

“A picture? That’s all?”

Harry sighed heavily. “Yes, Ginny, because the alternative is that I developed a running habit so that I can sneak out for an hour every day and make out with strange women wearing strong perfumes with you none-the-wiser. Do you think that’s more likely?”

Ginny pursed her lips and bit back a laugh. “Yeah, all right, I’m a berk. Sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“I know what you were thinking. But it’s fine, I’ll forgive you because you probably haven’t eaten yet today. I brought muffins.” He banished the bag to the kitchen and started down the hall. “I’m going to get a shower.”

“Harry!” she called out. He paused in the hall. Ginny whispered, “I really am sorry.”

While Harry was in the shower, Ginny made them fruit salad and bacon to go with the muffins for a late breakfast. Harry accepted the peace offering with good grace.

That afternoon they watched the next of the Lord of the Rings movies, ‘The Two Towers,’ snacking on popcorn, crisps, and ice cream for most of it. They both kept a running commentary on scenery, actors, costumes, and plot. 

The credits rolled and Ginny banished their bowls to the kitchen. “What now?” she asked.

“Can I kiss you?” Harry asked. His heart started to thump in his chest. It had always been so easy between them. He wasn’t sure he’d ever had to ask for a kiss from her before. But tense as the week had been, he was no longer sure of his welcome.

“Yeah,” she said with a smile. She tilted her head to the side, letting him close the gap between them.

He started with a delicate brush of her lips, then soft nibbles of her lips. A light slide of her tongue against his had his cock throbbing in his jeans. He pulled her into his lap so he could deepen the kiss. His fingers slid under her shirt to caress the skin above her waistband. He ran a line of kisses down her jaw and neck.

“Can I take your shirt off?” he asked.

“Maybe later?” she said softly. “Can we leave it at kisses for now?”

“Of course, love.”

It wasn’t enough; it never was. Harry was sure he could go a hundred lifetimes and never have enough of Ginny. He kissed and caressed her over her clothes until the throbbing in his pants sparked a rush of anger and rejection.

He pulled away from her and stumbled off to the bathroom, unintentionally slamming the door shut as he fell against it. He shoved his jeans and pants down to pump furiously at his cock. He came on the bathroom floor, disgusted with himself for letting things get out of control. Sitting on the cold tile, he cleaned himself up with shaky hands. How long could he conceivably hide here? A shower would be good. Showering would take a long time.

Harry stood in the spray hating himself for treating her that way. He didn’t know how to handle a Ginny that didn’t want any physical intimacy from him. Steam clouded the mirror and he was glad he didn’t have to look at his reflection.

Physical intimacy did not equal love. Ginny loved him and he knew it. She was just scared and confused. He could handle it. He could hold it together. He would be fine.

When he couldn’t delay it any longer, Harry left the bathroom. Ginny sat on the bed, dressed in a low cut, fitted black robe with her hair twisted up to expose her neck.

“I thought maybe you’d like to go out tonight,” she said quietly.

“Er, yeah. I’ll get dressed.” He hesitated before dropping his towel, then realized that was ridiculous. She’d seen him naked a hundred times over. He pulled on a set of dress robes without much thought. 

Ginny charmed his hair dry and ran her fingers through it to tame it as best as could be hoped for. “You’re looking good, Potter.”

He smiled at her, “Not so bad yourself, Weasley.” 

The Italian restaurant they went to was one of their favorites, and their meal was only interrupted twice by Harpies fans that wanted to congratulate Ginny on making the national team. Another fan sent over a bottle of wine and two slices of cheesecake with a raspberry drizzle. Ginny asked the waitress to pack it up for them to take home. It was too hard to explain Harry not drinking the gifted wine.

At his flat, Ginny flooed her mother to send the bottle of wine over. Then she hugged Harry tight. He breathed in the scent of her and tried to calm his racing heart. It was too much, this distance between them. He needed her, needed to feel her body welcoming his. His blood rushed to fill his cock so he pulled away before he fell in to begging.

“I think, maybe, I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight,” he said, eyes on the floor.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, I think I do.” He half turned away and said, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Harry,” she said softly.


	3. Ch 3

Harry lay awake in his bed the next morning, too tired to get up but too alert to fall back asleep. He didn’t want to leave the flat and risk another people encounter that would set Ginny off. He didn’t want to see her dressed in his shirt and dancing in the kitchen. He didn’t want to snuggle up next to her with popcorn and a film. He didn’t want to torture himself with fear of the person he loved.

He just wanted to feel calm. He wanted the tension to fall away from his muscles. He wanted to laugh and be happy. He wanted to kiss and touch and fuck.

He wanted a drink.

It burned in him, a thirst like no other. Sweet oblivion. A calming agent more potent than any potion he could take. That first sip after a long drought was surely a foretaste of heaven. His fingers gripped the duvet until they ached.

Breathe, he told himself. In slowly, out slowly. He struggled to remember why he’d decided to give up drinking. Ginny. Ron. Hermione. He loved them and he was no good to them dead. Dead again. 

There was a soft knock at the door. “Harry? Are you awake yet? It’s almost ten.” 

Harry eyed the clock but the numbers didn’t mean much to him. But if she was right, he’d missed breakfast. He should get up but it was safer in bed. No decisions, no mistakes. He curled up on his side and covered his ears with his hands, rocking slightly back and forth. Better to stay here.

He heard her footsteps move away and he sighed a little. Was it better that she left him here, or better if she dragged him out of bed? He didn’t know. Better to leave the choice to someone else.

Another knock sounded and Harry resisted the urge to yell at her for bothering him again. But this time it was Ron’s voice that said, “Harry? Are you all right?”

Harry hoped if he didn’t answer, Ron would go away. But Ron had been there for the worst of it all and knew better than to leave. He knocked again and then Harry heard the incantations to unward the door. He curled up tighter in the bed, as if that could hide him from Ron.

“C’mon, mate, let’s get you dressed and maybe some lunch, yeah? This is enough moping, it’s nearly noon.” With great care, Ron helped Harry sit up. “Want to talk about it?” Harry shook his head no. “On the count of three. One, two…” Ron dragged Harry to his feet. He guided Harry through the room and across the hall to the bathroom. “You’ll be all right here?”

Harry nodded as Ron left, then blushed when he realized he was only wearing his pants. Ah well, Ron had seen worse. Harry relieved his bladder and took a quick shower. Clean pyjamas waited for him on the counter.

Slowly he made his way to the sitting room. Ron met him and helped him to the sofa. He handed Harry a milkshake, then lay down on the couch with his feet in Harry’s lap.

“Feeling better?” Ron asked.

“Yeah, thanks. It was a rough night.” Harry darted a glance at Ginny, then guiltily turned his gaze to the floor.

“You’ll feel better after you’ve eaten something.” He pulled a tattered, thin paperback from his back pocket. “And maybe some tales from the fae side.” 

“Won’t you be missed at work?”

“Ah fuck it, Robards isn’t paying me enough anyway.”

Harry slouched down on the couch and sipped at his milkshake while Ron read to him from the book of fairy tales. He let the sound wash over him while the weight of Ron’s legs kept him grounded. Slowly the cracks sealed up and he could breathe easy. By the time Hermione arrived after work with pizza and ginger ales, he felt real again.

He decided to sleep in the guest room again, but left the door open so Ginny wouldn’t worry about him. They spent Thursday and Friday in his flat eating junk food and watching the telly. Neither of them brought up anything about the past or the future. 

“I need to go for a run,” Harry said Friday evening.

“Great idea. Let’s do it.”

“You want to come with me?”

“Absolutely,” Ginny said with a smile. She pulled on her training clothes and gave him a shove as they left the flat. “Tag, you’re it!”

Laughing and racing half-heartedly, they ran the few blocks to the nearby play park. It was, of course, empty at this hour so they went down the slides and tried out the monkey bars. They flew higher and higher on the swings until it seemed they would flip right over the top. Ginny pointed out that with magic, it was possible, but Harry thought it would be bad luck to tempt fate just before she left for training camp.

Saturday morning, Ron and Hermione came back to spend the day with Harry while Ginny returned to the Burrow for the rest of the weekend to visit with her parents one last time before leaving. 

The three of them played board games and watched the telly all day. At one point Hermione asked about Patrick and Harry answered with full honesty in the hopes it would get back to Ginny and she would see it wasn’t a threat. 

Harry was nervous about spending the night alone but felt Ron had done enough and he deserved to go home with his wife.

“You need a list?” Ron asked. 

“Thanks, but I think I'll be fine.” Harry hugged Ron one last time and sent him through the floo. 

Harry tossed and turned through the night. Around three in the morning, he gave up on sleep and decided it was the perfect time to bake. He hadn’t made anything for Burrow Brunch yet. Croissants, cheese biscuits, buttery yeast rolls, and a few tea loaves all made their way through Harry’s oven.

He made it through the night on his own.

\--------

After another rousing celebration at the Burrow, Harry had to say goodbye to Ginny.

“Write to me. All the time. Even if it’s just to say you don’t have time to write.”

Ginny laughed and hugged him tight. “I’m going to miss your birthday,” she whispered.

“We’ll have other birthdays to share.”

She nodded and kissed him hard. “I’m going to miss you.”

“You’ll be too busy to miss me. I’m the one that’s going to be moping about.” He nuzzled into her neck and hugged her tight. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Harry.”

\--------

Harry took comfort in his routines in the first weeks after Ginny left. He was happy for the distractions work provided. And a longer run in the evenings tired him out so he didn’t lie awake missing her. Knowing he wouldn’t be seeing her on weekends made the usual weekday separation more severe. A few nights he went over to Draco’s to help out with the baby. Scorpius was still too tiny to be believed but Draco assured him he was thriving well enough.

Draco managed to get an extra week of holiday because of Astoria’s illness but after that, he brought Scorpius to work with him. Harry would bring lunch for them, and watch Draco try to organize his scrolls, books, and files while wearing his baby in a sling. Scorpius was an angel, doted on by Marjorie and Selina.

In mid-July, Harry went down to the Archives to file paperwork for the crup registry. He found Draco asleep on his office floor, curled around a swaddled and sleeping Scorpius. The baby stirred when Harry walked in so he picked him up, grabbed a bottle from the changing bag, and quietly left Draco’s office. The sleepy baby happily suckled his bottle while Harry chatted with Marjorie about crups. They all startled when Draco came careening out of his office, brandishing his wand.

“Oh, thank fuck, you have him! You scared the shit out of me, Potter!” Draco leaned down to rest his hands on his knees and breathed deep a few times. “You couldn’t wake me?”

“You needed the sleep. Sorry, next time I’ll leave a note.”

Draco scowled, “No, next time you’ll wake me. That wasn’t funny.”

“Sorry,” Harry said guiltily. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

Draco sighed and conjured a chair next to Marjorie’s desk. She offered him a ginger biscuit in sympathy. “No it’s fine. It’s just me being paranoid. Astoria’s been - well you know how she was, in the hospital?”

Harry nodded and carefully handed Scorpius over to Draco. Draco kissed the baby’s head and cheeks. 

“She’s getting worse and now… She’s decided she wants to be in Scorpius’s life after all. When we made our arrangement, she figured she’d have children of her own someday. But we both know that isn’t possible.”

“So she didn’t file her divorce papers?”

“No. She’s holding out for visitation rights. Which maybe I’d be all right with but...”

Marjorie clucked in sympathy and filled in when Draco trailed off, “But she’s not quite in her right mind and has been sending some nasty letters to Draco.”

“I’m scared she’s going to do something drastic, like steal him away. She’s crazy but she has enough money from our marriage to pay for minions to do her bidding.”

“Poor dear hasn’t been sleeping,” Marjorie added.

“I’ve been looking for a new place to live, somewhere she can’t find me easily, but with work and the baby, it’s been difficult.”

Harry’s mouth started speaking before his brain could process the words. “I have a place you can use.”

“You do?” Draco said, hope blooming in him.

“Er, yeah, it’s a cottage. It’s unplottable and all that.”

“Harry! That’s fantastic! Thank you. When can we go see it?”

“Tonight, I guess?” Harry felt hysteria bubbling under the surface so he stood to make his getaway. “I’ll - I’ll just find you later, yeah?”

He rushed through the halls and lifts back to his office and collapsed in his chair, head buried in his hands. That was his space! His and Ginny’s! What was he doing? He couldn’t give it to Malfoy!

But another part of him shouted that Ginny didn’t want it anyway and he might as well let someone have it that would appreciate it. There were other houses, other cottages and maybe Ginny would prefer one they picked together.

In the end, Harry’s need to feel useful was too strong and he decided to be happy that Draco and Scorpius would be safe in his cottage. They left the Ministry together that evening, walking the few streets to Draco’s flat to pack an overnight bag. 

“What’s the best way to travel a distance with an infant?” Harry asked. They couldn’t exactly walk to Godric’s Hollow.

“He’s all right to floo if I bind him to me in the sling. A little extra powder and the roll isn't so severe. He likes that better than apparating, although he can manage that too.”

“Floo it is. First to my flat, yeah?”

They made it to the cottage without injury, although Scorpius started crying as soon as they landed. Draco made little shushing noises as he rubbed on the baby’s back. He lifted an eyebrow at the decaying roses in the middle of the sitting room, but Harry Vanished them without explanation.

“Sorry there’s no furniture or anything. While you’re feeding Scorpius, I can bring a few things from my flat? At least until we can get something permanent.”

“I don’t need much. And I can transfigure things too. I really appreciate this, Harry.”

“It’s my pleasure. It’s literally just been collecting dust since I bought it so it’s nice to have a use for it. The kitchen’s through here, and there are three bedrooms that way. I’ll just, erm, I’ll be back.” Harry stepped back through the floo before he made a bigger prat of himself.

He went about his flat, shrinking tables and chairs he didn’t need. He added the guest bed and a few spare odds and ends from the kitchen. At the last minute he remembered neither of them had dinner either so he walked down to get take-away curry for them to share.

They spent the evening arranging and transfiguring furniture to fill the space. Draco’s excitement was contagious and soon Harry was also making plans to turn the house into a home. Draco gave Harry a warm hug before he left, along with another heartfelt thanks.

After two weeks of flooing back and forth between his flat and the cottage, which Draco had dubbed the Secret Garden, Harry finally moved in permanently. It was his house, after all, and Draco needed the extra help. Harry kept his flat to make transport to London easier, but it was mostly empty now. Between his flat and Draco’s, they easily filled the house.

Draco and Scorpius happily joined Harry and the Weasleys to celebrate Harry’s twenty-fourth birthday. Molly decorated the cake with both his and Neville’s names so they blew out the candles together to a rousing cheer from everyone gathered.

Harry was surprised to find he had a few gifts to open. Ginny had sent him an English National jersey, signed by the team. Molly knitted him a pair of dark green socks. Ron and Hermione gave him a new satchel after he’d complained about his old one falling apart one too many times at work. His favorite gift was from Draco, a jogging pushchair he could take out evenings with Scorpius.

“That’s an odd sort of gift,” Molly said hesitantly.

“I’ve been helping Draco with the baby, and we’d talked about a jogging pushchair so he can get a bit of time alone in the evenings when I go for my run.”

“Hopefully this one works well. It was pretty highly rated,” Draco said with a nervous glance around. 

Harry didn’t understand. Everyone was acting like they didn’t know he lived with Draco now. Had he said something wrong? He glanced at Ron, who only gave him a hearty slap on the back.

Molly broke the odd silence, “Here, Neville, this one’s for you.” Neville also received a pair of socks in a navy so dark it was almost black.

“I have a gift for Neville too,” Hannah said shyly. She gave him a tiny box.

Neville lifted the lid to find two rings nestled in velvet. His hand came up to smother his small gasp. “Hannah,” he whispered.

“They were your parents’ rings. Your grandmother gave them to me. She said she was afraid you’d never ask.”

“Hannah, love…” Neville laughed and swept her up in a twirling hug. “You have to marry me now!”

“Of course I will!”

New cheers broke out, along with glasses of wine and champagne. Harry clinked his glass of apple juice with Draco and then Ron, both happy for Neville and relieved the strange moment had passed. As soon as he could get away, he pulled Ron to a quiet corner of the yard. 

“What was that back there?” Harry asked.

Ron shrugged, “The pushchair, I guess? Kind of a personal gift. Like a couple-type gift.”

“Draco and I are not a couple!” Harry hissed.

“No one said you were, mate!” Ron said quietly. “Just that it’s a weird sort of gift. For a friend. For the friend that owns the baby.”

“It’s not weird, it’s useful. He needs a break from the baby sometimes and - “

“It’s fine, Harry, I get it. But things are rocky right now with Ginny and it was… unexpected.”

“Do they - do they think I’m breaking it off with her? Is that what she thinks? Fuck!” Harry shoved his hands into his hair and tugged hard. He scrubbed at his face. “Damn it, I can’t - “ He cut off with a growl. 

“Harry, it’s okay. Breathe. Shh…” Ron rubbed circles on Harry’s back while Harry took shaky breaths. “No one thinks you’re leaving Ginny.”

Harry straightened abruptly. “You don’t know that! Has she said anything to you? I’ve been writing to her but she’s only sent me two letters back and both of them were about her training.”

“Calm down! There’s nothing to worry about. We don’t know Draco like you do, and so it just threw some of them for a loop. But it’s fine. There’s no need to panic. Let’s go back inside. You need people to distract you.”

Ron dragged him back to the party but it wasn’t a relaxing place for Harry. There were too many glasses of wine sitting unattended for his stress level, even with Ron keeping close. He found Draco in the kitchen talking with Bill and Molly.

Harry tapped Draco’s shoulder, “Hey, I think I’m ready to call it a night.”

“So soon?” Molly asked. “Let me pack up some food for you to take. And some cake.”

“Thanks, Molly.” Harry gathered his presents and shrunk them all to fit in his new bag.

Draco wrapped Scorpius in his sling and found his changing bag. “Thank you, Molly, for having us. It was a lovely evening. Our first outing together!” Draco kissed the baby’s head and smiled.

“We’re glad you could join us. Scorpius was a perfect gentleman. You should be very proud.”

Draco beamed a proud smile. “Thank you!” He left through the floo, leaving Harry in the kitchen with Molly and Bill.

“Thanks again, Molly.” He hugged her tight. “And for letting Draco come along. I know it’s an odd situation but it’s not anything - anything to worry over. He’s just a friend.”

“We know Harry,” Bill said with a pat to Harry’s back. “You’re a good friend to help him out. Raising a child on your own is not easy. He’s lucky to have you.”

“Yeah. It’s been good. Difficult sometimes, but good.”

Molly squished his cheeks, “You’ll make a good father one day, Harry.”

“I hope so,” he said, thinking of Ginny and the life they would share when this mess was behind them.

Draco was putting the baby to bed when Harry got home. Harry paced the garden a bit before deciding he needed a full on run. He pounded up the track, letting his worries about Ginny fade away. It would pass; they would be fine.

The week after Harry’s birthday, Draco had to appear in court with Astoria. She brought up his many infidelities, and he brought some of her threatening letters and the contract she’d signed. But the Wizengamot was sympathetic to a mother and her child. And an ill mother at that. Divorce was so rare in the wizarding world, they didn’t quite know how to handle the situation. They postponed a decision to give Draco and Astoria the chance to come to a peaceful agreement, despite the contract she’d signed.

Pictures of the national team began making the papers. Harry clipped them to make a scrapbook for Ginny. There was plenty of speculation about each team member and how well they worked together as a team. The formations were apparently coming together well and hopes were high for England to make the World Cup.

August melted into September, and Harry celebrated two years sober. It was also Harry and Ginny’s one year anniversary. He sent a large basket of flowers and a set of emerald earrings. Four days later, she sent a box of mini treacle tarts, and a pocket watch with a picture of her wearing the earrings inside.

Harry was feeling stronger every day. The running helped his anxiety, and caring for Scorpius gave him something other than himself to focus on. The baby was nearing three months old and both he and Draco were on pins and needles waiting for him to roll over for the first time. Too many nights were spent watching the baby drool on his little blanket, curling up on his side then flopping back to his back.

Scorpius was also staying awake for longer periods of time now, with his longest time awake in the late evening. The baby decided he didn’t need a long sleep until nearly one in the morning. Draco and Harry traded off nights staying up with him so that neither of them were too worn out to work. Again Harry marveled at single parents and the struggle they went through to raise children alone.

Twice, Draco took Scorpius to visit Astoria. Both visits ended with her wailing that the baby was missing which set off her magic in unpredictable bursts. The last week of September, Astoria’s parents met Draco at the Ministry to inform him they were having Astoria committed to the Janus Thickey Ward. They tearfully signed the papers Draco provided to relinquish all claim to the baby and acknowledge the dissolution of his marriage, per the contract Astoria signed.

Draco was a free man.

A depressed free man. 

“I did this to her,” he cried one night to Harry.

“You didn’t do this to her, Draco. No one could have predicted what would happen.”

“Her great-aunt had a similar affliction. After her third child, she lost all control of her magic until it finally killed her. And now Astoria’s going to die because of me and my selfish checklist.”

“Hiring a surrogate isn’t all that unusual, you know. She knew the risks. Didn’t you say her parents tried to warn her off?”

“Yes but they didn’t get her pregnant, now did they?”

“Draco, you can’t - “

“Just stop. I know you mean well, but it’s not going to work. This is just one more bad decision I can add to my list of failures.” 

Thankfully, Scorpius chose that moment to cry for his next bottle.

“See, it’s not all bad, Draco.”

Draco wiped his eyes as he hurried from the room. Harry didn’t mention it again. Instead, he planned a small get-together at the newly dubbed Not-So-Secret Garden. Ron, Hermione, Pansy, and Blaise joined them for dinner. Their very first guests. Draco’s nervousness transferred to the baby, who was uncharacteristically cranky while being passed around. He seemed calmest with Harry so Harry wore him in the sling for most of the night. After everyone left, Draco took the night shift so Harry could get to sleep.

Harry left early the next morning to take a portkey to Germany for Ginny’s first game. Ron, Charlie, George, and Angelina went with him. The game lasted nearly the four hours allowed and by the end, Harry had screamed himself hoarse. Ginny scored nine times and England caught the snitch to secure the win. A perfect outcome.

Back at the hotel, food and drinks flowed freely as friends, family, and a few lucky fans celebrated with the team. Feeling Ginny in his arms after so long made Harry dizzy with happiness. All night he stuck as close to Ginny as he could, which was difficult as she was in high demand for pictures and congratulations. It was hard to be so close, and yet so far from her now, but he shared her joy in the victory.

And it was just Harry’s shitty luck that Ben slid up beside him just as Ginny was returning from another group photo. Her smile dimmed for a moment. But she gave Harry a sly grin and flipped two fingers at Ben.

“Hands off, Benjy, this one’s mine.”

“Only Elise gets to call me Benjy,” he grumbled good-naturedly.

“Not after the stories I’ve heard of you,” Ginny cackled as she pulled Harry back out on the dance floor. 

A few times after that, Ginny looked at him in a speculative way that made him nervous but he shook it off. It was fine. She was happy. They were happy. And they only had this one night together before she was back in training for the next game. But apparently only Harry thought about that because he lost sight of her for a while until a teammate finally said she’d gone on up to bed.

Harry found her asleep in their hotel room. Anger and confusion churned in him but he took some deep breaths until he was calm enough to think rationally. There had been a lot of pressure on the outcome of the match, and the post-game adrenaline rush always gave her a heavy drop after. She wasn’t angry with him, just sleepy, and it was fine.

The next morning, Harry let her sleep until it was nearly time for breakfast with her brothers. Ginny groaned as she got up, holding her head in her hands.

“Why’d I drink so much?” she mumbled as she pulled on clean clothes. 

“Do you have any hangover potion?”

“Of course not. Why can’t I ever think that far ahead? Let’s go find Taffy. He’s always got some.”

Harry was about to ask who Taffy was but Ginny pulled him into the hall and down three doors. She knocked until their team’s seeker opened the door. He was impossibly tall for a seeker, but so wiry thin you could see every line of bone and muscle in his body. And all of them were on display as he only wore a pair of tight, bright blue pants.

“Ha! I knew I’d be seeing you this morning, little firecracker!” He turned to summon two small vials. Ginny took one without comment and tossed back the contents in a single swallow. “What about you?” Taffy asked Harry.

“Thanks,” Harry said, “but I don’t drink.”

“Nice. We should all have such discipline,” Taffy laughed.

Elise and Ben walked by and Elise gave a sharp whistle. “Looking good, Taffy.”

He only laughed and tossed her the extra vial in his hand. “See you all at breakfast!”

Ginny and Elise giggled and headed towards the lifts with Ben and Harry following.

“So… Taffy?” Harry finally asked.

“Yeah,” Elise said, “because he’s so tall. Like he got caught in the taffy-puller. Who gave him that name anyway?”

Ginny said, “I think it was Peter. He’s the bigger beater. Never stops eating. One day he offered William a sweet by saying, ‘taffy, Taffy?’ and it just stuck.”

“And does he frequently hang about in his pants?” Ben asked. “Because maybe I stayed in the wrong room last night.”

Elise laughed, “Sorry, little brother, but you are not his type.” She ruffled his hair affectionately. “Plus, he stays celibate during the season.”

“He does not!” Ben protested.

Ginny nodded, “Yup. Says it keeps him from getting distracted.”

“Well that’s bullshit,” Ben said as the lift dinged open, and they headed to the dining room. “I didn’t think any man could go so long without sex.”

“There are plenty of people that go without sex,” Harry said. “No one ever died from lack of sex.”

Ben shook his head. “You must not be having the right kind of sex!”

Elise laughed at Harry’s scowl. Ginny rolled her eyes and said, “We’ll meet you guys later. We’re going to catch up with my brothers.”

Elise nodded and pulled Ben off to another table with the other chaser and his wife. Ginny sent a Patronus to Bill and Ron’s room, then she and Harry filled their plates from the breakfast bar.

They found a corner table and began eating. Ginny said, “Sorry I fell asleep last night. I wanted to catch up more. How are things with you?”

“Just like I wrote,” Harry said with a smile. “What about you? You haven’t written much. Training’s more intense, yeah? It certainly paid off.”

“It’s been amazing! The schedule is definitely more intense. We go, go, go from sunup to sundown. I like it though. It doesn’t make things interesting on my end. Tell me about Mum and Dad. How are they?”

Harry caught Ron and Bill coming in from the corner of his eye and gave them a wave. George and Angelina followed just behind them. Everyone filled their plates and found seats around the table.

“Perfect timing. Ginny wants to hear about Molly and Arthur.”

Bill laughed, “Well Mum’s still clucking about like a mother hen and Dad’s still pottering about with his muggle junk.”

“What about the rest of you?”

George poked Angelina, “Me and Angie are thinking of having a baby.”

Angelina snorted. “No we aren’t, stop spreading that nonsense.”

George laughed, “Yeah but if they tell Mum sort of third hand, maybe she’ll stop bugging us about it.”

Bill shook his head. “Fleur and I are _actually_ thinking of having another. I’ll tell Mum and maybe she’ll lay off a bit.”

“Good,” Ginny laughed, “maybe then she’ll stop telling me I should retire after the Cup and start a family before my uterus shrivels up and dies.”

“You’d think,” Ron said, “with Percy’s baby only a few months old that she’d be occupied but all it’s done is remind her how many children she has of child-bearing age.”

“Am I the only one that hasn’t gotten a lecture about starting a family?” Harry asked.

George said, “You have an excuse since Ginny’s too famous to quit flying just yet. Plus, you have Scorpius. She’s happy enough to adopt him in too.”

Ginny’s face screwed up, “What’s that like, living with Malfoy?”

“Just like I’ve written,” said Harry. “I don’t know how he thought he was going to manage it alone. A baby is a lot of work.”

“He came to Harry’s birthday party,” Angie added, “and it wasn’t bad. He’s like a completely different person now that he’s got a son of his own.”

“Yeah it’s funny,” Harry said, “seeing him at work wearing the baby in the sling. Takes him to meetings and gives him his bottles in the cafeteria during lunch. He doesn’t care at all what people think about it.”

Bill smiled in agreement, “At Harry’s birthday, Draco went on for almost an hour about attachment parenting and the parenting books’ conflicting advice.”

“So everyone’s friends with Malfoy now? Because he’s got a baby?”

“We were sort of friends before,” Harry said with a shrug, “and now we’re better friends.”

“I heard his wife went crazy and had to be committed,” Ginny said sourly. “Doesn’t sound all that great to me.”

Harry bristled, “Astoria was ill before they got married. She has a genetic disorder that came to light when she had the baby. No one could have known it would damage her the way it did.”

“Plus,” Ron said, “he’s paid for all her care and offered a dowry for her sister Daphne.”

“Good to hear throwing money at a problem will make it go away.”

“Stop picking on Draco!” Harry said, exasperated. “He’s trying the best he can in a situation no one could have anticipated. Scorpius came at a steep price - a steep _emotional_ price - and it does no good to tear Draco down for it.”

“I just don’t see why we have to champion him when he was a little shit to us in school. And his father - “ Ginny cut off with a grimace and Harry deflated in sympathy.

Putting his arm around her shoulder, he said softly, “He’s not his father, Ginny. Don’t blame him for that.”

Everyone picked at their food awkwardly. Bill finally cleared his throat and said, “Charlie calls dibs on your game against Spain.”

Ginny smiled, “I’ll keep that in mind. Peter said I could use some of his tickets for the next game. And we’ll play the next one at home. We get more tickets for home games.”

“Is there a break in your schedule?” Harry asked.

“Two weeks off for Christmas,” she said with a smile. “You’ll stay at the Burrow with us?”

“I’d like that. I’ll put in now for holiday time before Gretchen ruins it again.”

Talk continued through their meal until it was time for them to pack their bags and catch their portkey back home. 

Back in their room, Ginny kissed Harry and held him in a long hug. “It’s so hard to say goodbye to you. Seems like you just got here.”

“It was a whirlwind, wasn’t it? I’ll be at your next game, and Christmas will be here before you know it. You’ll be so busy with training, it’ll just fly by.” He snorted, “Fly by.”

She giggled but then her smile fell, “And you’ll be busy with Malfoy and his baby.”

Harry sighed, “Please don’t start something right before I leave.”

“I’m not starting something. I just don’t know if I like you living with him.”

“You didn’t care when I lived with Ron.”

“That’s different!”

“Why? Because he’s your brother? You know, Ron’s seen me naked. Loads of times. Helped me shower, too. Not worried about that?”

She scowled and crossed her arms across her chest. “Ron is different and you know it. Isn’t Draco, you know, a - a temptation, or whatever?”

“No, he isn’t. Draco is my friend. Nothing more. I can be friends with a person, Ginny. I’m not looking to fuck every warm body that walks by.”

“I know! Stop twisting my words around! It’s just - he’s good-looking and - “

“So you think he’s good looking? Do I need to be jealous?”

“Of course not! I would never go for someone like him!”

“Because he’s gay? Blond? A prat? Or because you’re with me?”

“Because I’m with you!”

“Do you see the flaw in your logic? I don’t need to worry about you and your ‘celibate’ mostly-naked seeker, because you love me. But you can go ahead and worry about me and a friend of mine because what - maybe I don’t love you like you love me?”

“That’s not what I said!”

“That’s what it sounded like! Damn it, Gin, why can’t you just let this go? I lived with Ron for ages without any big fuss and it’s just the same with Draco. Why can’t you just accept that I love you and don’t want someone else!”

“I don’t know, Harry! It’s not a rational thing I can just explain!” 

“Do you want us to break up?”

“What? No! Of course not!” She sighed and covered her face. “Ugh, I said I wasn’t starting something and now I did. I’m sorry, Harry.“

“Then fucking act like it! Stop accusing me of cheating on you!”

“I will. I will, Harry. Please don’t be angry.” She hugged him and wiped her tears on his shirt. “I don’t want you to leave angry at me.”

“Please just trust me.”

“I do, Harry.”

Harry gathered his things and gave her a chaste kiss goodbye. “Good luck with training.” He met Ron, Bill, George and Angelina in the hall to head down for their portkey. He couldn’t bear to say ‘I love you’ one more time.


	4. Ch 4

Work was a welcome respite after his stressful weekend. Harry visited four houses in a single week that needed ghosts relocated. He contacted the dragon reserve in Wales to renew their grant. And he approved testing of a new chizpurfle pesticide. 

He was back to his longer night runs again. This time apart from Ginny was only distilling her discontent further and he didn’t know how to fix it. He could move out and leave Draco to his own devices but that hardly seemed fair to Draco. And it wasn’t fair for Harry to give up his friend and home for her when she made no effort to see the harmlessness in it.

Without regular contact between them, she was letting her worries overtake her. The _Daily Prophet_ didn’t help by showing pictures of Harry and Draco sharing scones at Patty Cakes cafe. Or Ginny and _Taffy_ laughing and jogging down a beach in their matching team tracksuits. 

Even knowing it meant nothing, it still made Harry’s blood boil. Ginny wrote few letters, and each contained veiled concerns about his continued friendship with Draco. He wasn’t sure how long he could handle their separation with everything such a mess between them. Two years sober and here he was struggling like it was just two weeks in. Sleep evaded him and he found it difficult to eat. Paired with his long runs, he was losing weight he didn’t really have to lose.

And every day was harder than the last.

\--------

Harry couldn’t handle another whirlwind visit with Ginny so he passed on her next match the first weekend in December. Ginny didn’t put up as much of a fuss as he’d worried she might. Maybe she didn’t know what to do about their last short, angry visit either. It was another victory for England and another long night of celebrating at the hotel, according to Ron.

All told, he was glad he’d stayed home. He’d gone grocery shopping with Draco and then to get a highchair for Scorpius. He’d started reaching for the food they ate, and Draco read that was a sign of readiness for solids. The baby couldn’t quite sit alone long enough yet, but Draco wanted to be prepared.

Harry held Scorpius while Draco asked question after question of the saleswitch. She was endlessly patient in showing off self-cleaning charms, wards that kept plates from being tossed to the floor, and the compact storage ability for travel. It took so long, eventually Scorpius nuzzled into Harry’s shoulder and drifted off to sleep. Great, now his nap was going to be ruined.

It wasn’t until Monday’s _Daily Prophet_ that Harry learned they’d been photographed in the shop. By Monday evening, an owl was tapping at their window.

“Do you think that’s Ginny?” Draco asked.

Harry sighed, “Of course it is.” He opened the window for the little bird, who dropped the letter and flew off as though the house was on fire. “Thankfully she never saw the appeal of a howler.”

Hesitantly he opened the letter and scanned the contents. Too close… what about us… new family… living with _him_ … scared of losing you… 

With a flick of his wand, Harry set the letter on fire. 

“Not going to reply?” Draco asked.

“Wouldn’t serve any purpose. She wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

“You know, Harry, I only moved in here to get away from Astoria for a while but she’s not a threat anymore. I could move out.”

“No, that’s ridiculous. I’m allowed to have friends! And a housemate! And besides, who would help you with Scorpius?”

“I can hire help. And we can still hang out sometimes.”

“Don’t. Please don’t leave because of her. I like having you two around and I’m not going to let her baseless jealousy drive you away.” Harry sighed and dropped his head into his hands. “I’m just scared she and I are going to keep having this same argument until England is out of the World Cup.”

“Never thought I’d wish for England to lose,” Draco said.

“Me neither.”

\--------

On Thursday, Harry went down to the Archives to have lunch with Draco and Scorpius. But all he found was a tearful Marjorie. 

“Selina’s helping him home. Got an owl today, poor dear.” Marjorie laid her hand on Harry’s hand and said, “Astoria’s passed, bless her soul.”

“Oh,” Harry sighed heavily. “I should go. Thanks, Marjorie.” 

Harry ran back to the lifts, sending a hasty Patronus to his boss saying he had a family emergency. He ran into Selina and Draco by the fireplaces off the Ministry Atrium, in the process of readying Scorpius for floo travel. 

“I’ve got him,” Harry said to Selina. She wiped a tear and hugged Draco before heading back to work. “It’s all right Draco, let’s get you home, yeah?” Harry helped secure the baby before throwing the powder in the flames.

At home, he made Draco comfortable on the sofa. He changed Scorpius’s nappy and offered him a bottle, hoping for an early nap. But babies have a sixth sense about such things and refused to sleep. He cried and fussed until Draco took him back and nestled with him under the covers.

When the baby settled, Harry finally cleared his throat to ask, “What can I do?”

Draco pulled the letter from his pocket and handed it over to Harry. “She died early this morning. There wasn’t really anything to be done. They’re arranging the funeral for this weekend.”

“That’s fast,” Harry said as he scanned the letter. 

“Well,” Draco laughed harshly, “plans have been in the works for a while now. I’m sorry I can’t - “ He shoved a drowsy Scorpius at Harry and bolted from the room. 

Harry was happy to distract Scorpius, while Draco had himself a good cry. By the time he emerged from his room, eyes swollen and clothes rumpled, Harry had cheese toasties and a light soup ready to eat.

He took Draco’s hand and said, “I let Pansy know. And she said she’d tell Blaise. We’ll all be there for you. At the funeral.”

“Thanks, Harry. That means a lot to me.”

There weren’t many people at the graveside. Astoria’s parents were stoic and reserved through the entire service. Daphne wiped continuously at her tears, held close by an older wizard that Harry assumed was her fiancé. Astoria’s mediwitch and a few friends of the family filled in the back rows of chairs. Midway through, Draco took Harry’s hand with a white-knuckle grip. 

They stayed with Astoria’s parents long after the others had left. Draco whispered to Scorpius about his mother and how much she loved him. Tears fell again when Draco whispered his apologies to Astoria. Harry hugged him tight, with Scorpius squirming between them. 

Things were quiet at their house for a few days, while Draco mourned in his own way. He took Monday off work, and so it was only Harry and Scorpius up early enough to see the morning edition of the _Daily Prophet_. They’d run a large photo of the three of them by Astoria’s grave, along with speculation about Harry Potter and his new family prospects.

Harry was livid at their audacity. As if things weren’t difficult enough for Draco! Harry took Scorpius with him to the newspaper’s offices to yell at the insensitive editor and make not-so-veiled threats about all their jobs. In no time at all, they promised to publish a retraction in the evening edition.

But the evening edition was too late. Harry hadn’t considered that Ginny might also see the newspaper and react strongly to the image and speculation. Just after lunch with Ron in the Ministry cafeteria, a letter arrived from the owlery for Harry. He stared at the address for long minutes, too scared to open it.

He left it sitting on the corner of his desk all afternoon. It mocked him like some fucked up version of Schrodinger's Cat. It could be that she believed him innocent and wanted to offer condolences to Draco _or_ it was more jealous vitriol, and he didn’t have to know which one until he read it.

Finally there was no excuse to hang around work any longer. He flooed home and pretended everything was fine. Because everything _was_ fine, until he read the letter. And he had no intentions of doing that today. The evening edition of the _Daily Prophet_ would run their retraction, Ginny would see it, and then Ginny would send a new letter. And that’s the one Harry wanted to see.

It wasn’t much, just a blurb on the sixth page, but it was enough if someone was looking for it. And surely Ginny was looking for it.

The next morning, Harry received another letter from her. He opened it carefully, knowing Draco was watching him like a hawk.

_That bit on page six was shit. We’ll talk more over my Christmas holiday._

What the _fuck_ did that mean? Was she leaving him? Was it over? Harry pulled yesterday’s letter from his pocket and hesitated.

“You have two letters from her?” Draco asked.

“Yeah,” Harry said nervously. “She wrote to me yesterday after the morning edition. I thought I’d wait to see what she said after the evening edition printed the retraction. But, well…” He showed the short letter to Draco. “I’m afraid to see what she said yesterday. And what ‘we need to talk’ might mean.”

“She loves you Harry.”

“I know.” Harry dropped his head into his hands. “But this has been so hard.” He gripped his hair tight, the need to flee rising fast and hard. “Fuck!” He tried breathing in and out slowly, but his heart was racing too hard and his breath came out too shaky to control. 

He stood to pace the kitchen but Draco caught him up in a hug. He rubbed circles down Harry’s back and spoke softly, “It’s going to be all right Harry. You have to breathe. With me now. In… and out… in… that’s it and out…” He made soft shushing noises and rocked Harry until the fight or flight response faded.

“Okay. I’m okay.” Harry rubbed at his face and chugged a glass of water. “Okay. It’s going to be a rough day at work.”

“You want to stay home?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m making nothing into something. If she were breaking up with me, she’d have said, right?” His eyes darted to the letter he hadn’t read yet but Draco grabbed it from the table.

“Will you feel better or worse after reading this?” Draco asked.

Harry held his breath then exhaled heavily. “Worse. No matter what it says, it’s going to be awful. It’s fine. We’ll talk over Christmas and work it out.”

“Are you sure you’re okay to go to work?”

“Yeah. If I need to, I’ll come home early.”

“Okay. Scorpius and I will be here waiting.” Draco picked up the baby and made him wave at Harry. “Say goodbye to Harry! Tell him to have a good day!”

Harry smiled and kissed the baby’s cheek goodbye and patted Draco’s back on his way out. It wasn’t a hardship to be at work. Harry had long used work as a distraction. The hard part was coming home again and trying to act normal around someone that knew what normal was really like for him. Harry felt antsy and tense all evening, and he knew it wouldn’t be easy to fall asleep. And once he was asleep, it was hard to stay that way.

He lay awake in his bed, feeling worthless and angry. It wasn’t fair that Ginny could keep doing this to him. And all the while he worried, that voice in his head told him he could find the release he needed so easily. Just one drink. He could handle one drink. He’d been so good for so long and it was just one, to help him sleep, to help him relax, to help him, help him help him help help help helphelphelp.

Harry tore the covers off his bed and paced the room, tugging at his hair and trying not to break down. He needed help. But Draco was sleeping, and had his own griefs at the moment. There was always Ron but he had Hermione, and Harry couldn’t bring them both into the fray.

Besides, he knew he could do this on his own. He had before. He just needed to run. That would help. He would run and feel tired and go to sleep and not think anymore.

Better not to run the track at home. It was too dark, too dangerous. Draco might see, might hear, and worry. Harry flooed to his old flat to run through the familiar city streets. 

Houses and buildings whizzed by as Harry ran pell-mell through the darkened streets. His trainers smacked the pavement like hammers on an anvil. His breath came in harsh gasps. And he could smell it. Everywhere. The pubs open and welcoming. The alcohol wafting out and beckoning.

Just one.

That’s what he told the barman. Just one and then send him home. He told that to four different barmen but then he forgot to tell the fifth one. The seventh one sent him home in a taxi, but with a large tip, the driver happily dropped him off at another pub where the barman didn’t care how many Harry had so long as he could pay and didn’t disturb the customers. Eventually, the pub closed and it was time to head to bed. He apparated back to his flat to sleep it off.

He landed in the sitting room and immediately doubled over as pain lanced down his side. A large gash was opened on his hip where he’d splinched himself. Harry screamed and cried, tearing off his shirt to stem the river of blood. Hands slippery wet, he tried to throw floo powder in the empty fireplace to call someone. Anyone.

It was too much. Pain. Alcohol. Blood.

Harry let the darkness consume him.

\--------

An annoying beeping sound pulled him from his slumber. Harry groaned at the light of the room and the pounding of his head.

He stilled when he heard Ron’s voice, “Harry, it’s all right. You’re at St Mungo’s.” A warm hand covered his. Harry gave it a small squeeze, all he had strength for at the moment.

Harry licked his dry lips and eased his eyes open. “Ron… someone found me?”

Ron’s voice cracked as he said, “I did. Draco said you disappeared sometime Tuesday night and I spent Wednesday looking for you. Found you,” his breath hitched, “found you at your flat, probably just after you passed out.”

“Is it - “

“It’s Thursday now. They’ve kept you under to work the alcohol out and let your hip heal up. It was a pretty bad splinch but you’ll be walking again with no trouble.”

“Ron, I’m so - so sorry… I didn’t - “ Harry choked off and covered his face with his hands.

“Harry, it’s all right,” he said as his arms came around Harry. “We’re here and we’re going to get through this.”

“It’s not all right. It’s too hard!” Harry sobbed.

“We did it before and we’ll do it again. Starting today. Sixteenth of December. Day one. One day at a time, all right, mate?”

Harry nodded, pulling back to scrub away tears.

“You call me next time. You don’t have to do this alone, all right?”

Harry nodded again.

“I want to hear you say it. You’ll call me.”

“I’ll call.” Harry shifted in the bed, feeling the pull of his newly healed hip. “I’m sorry I didn’t before. It was so late and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Harry, I’d rather lose a thousand nights of sleep than find you dead in a pool of blood.”

Harry blanched at the image, then nodded. “I’ll call you next time.”

Ron helped Harry to get out of bed later that afternoon. They walked up and down the hall a few times until Harry felt steady on his feet. After dinner, the Healer discharged Harry, and Ron side-along apparated him home.

Scorpius’s face lit up when he saw Harry. Cuddling on the sofa with the sweet baby was just what Harry needed. He dropped kisses on the soft fuzzy head and hugged him tight. He couldn’t believe he’d almost lost this entirely. 

Ron tucked a blanket around him and then went to floo Hermione from the study fireplace. He came back just as Draco returned with tea. “Hermione’s packing her bag and will be over in a few minutes.”

“You don’t have to stay,” Harry said quietly, eyes on Scorpius. He nuzzled the soft baby cheeks.

“I don’t believe you,” Ron said with a smile to cut the sting of his words.

“I’ve worried you enough, haven’t I? And I have Draco. And Scorpius,” he said with another hug for the baby. Scorpius gurgled and pulled at Harry’s hair.

“Yes, we can keep Harry company,” Draco said from the other end of the sofa. He added quietly, “Now that I know he needs company.”

Ron looked back and forth between Draco’s impassive face and Harry’s blushing one. “I don’t mind staying a while longer. But I don’t have to stay the night.”

“Yeah,” Harry mumbled, “yeah okay.”

“I’ll let Hermione know.” Ron went back to the study, leaving Draco and Harry alone.

Harry bit his lip in nervousness. He summoned a toy for Scorpius to chew on and made silly faces at him. Draco held quiet until Ron returned.

“Were there any care instructions when he was discharged?”

“No,” Ron answered with a glance at Harry. “No running for a few days but he probably doesn’t feel up for that anyway.” Silence settled around them. “You two up for a film? Maybe a round of cards?”

“I think I’d like to go on to bed, if that’s okay,” Harry said.

“Are you sure?” Ron asked. “It’s early yet.”

“Yeah, I’m knackered.” He sat Scorpius on the sofa between him and Draco and let Ron help him to his feet.

“Day one, Harry. You made it. I’ll come back tomorrow and we’ll work on day two. All right?”

“Thanks, mate. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Harry shuffled down the hall to his room, leaving the door cracked open a little so Draco could hear him if need be. He could hear his muffled conversation with Ron, although no details reached his ears. Gingerly Harry pulled his pyjamas on and slid into bed.

He heard Draco going through Scorpius’s evening routine. He sighed heavily at that moment the door closed on the baby’s room. Something about a sleeping baby changed the entire atmosphere in the house. A few moments later, Draco poked his head in the door.

When he saw Harry awake, he came in and sat on the edge of the bed. “You feeling all right?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess. Maybe sad. Embarrassed.” Harry heaved a broken sigh and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. He whispered, “I almost died. Again.” 

Draco ran a hand up and down Harry’s back. “Harry, I hate to ask this when you’re… obviously upset… but why didn’t you wake me?”

Harry struggled to control his voice but it still quavered when he said, “I don’t know. You just lost Astoria and I didn’t want to be a burden. I thought I would be okay.”

“I almost lost you right along with her.”

“I know,” Harry cried. “I’m sorry. Sometimes thinking hurts and it’s too much and then the stupid thing seems like the right thing.”

Draco lay down next to Harry and pulled him close, holding him until he had calmed down. “Can I stay here?” Draco whispered. “Just tonight?”

Harry, too wrung out to speak, just hugged him close. He slept peacefully until morning.

\--------

Ron showed up before breakfast with a large satchel in tow. “Everyone well this morning?”

Draco smiled in greeting, “Yes. We had a good night’s sleep, and we are about to have a good breakfast.”

“Great. Then we are ready to make a plan.” He pulled a large pad of paper from his bag, along with several fat, felt tip pens.

“I don’t know that all of that is necessary,” Harry said with an embarrassed glance at Draco.

“Nonsense,” Draco said, noticing the look. “Anything that helps is necessary.” He looked up as a few owls landed with the mail. Draco went to the window to let them in.

Ron said, “First thing is no outside distractions so you can hold all of Harry’s mail for now.”

“I can read my mail, Ron,” Harry said, slightly exasperated. 

“Yeah, tomorrow. Today we’re making a plan.” He nodded when Draco banished Harry’s mail to another room. Ron lay out the paper and uncapped a blue pen. “Okay Harry, first thing, why do you want to be sober?”

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and glanced at Draco again while he thought it over. Draco smiled encouragingly, then his eyes widened, “Oh wait, do you want me to leave? Is this personal?”

“Nah, you live here so you’ll be seeing it everywhere,” Harry said, then snorted, “It’s just a silly exercise. Maybe embarrassing. Or stupid. I don’t know.”

“It’s not stupid, it’s helpful,” Ron said, sticking his tongue out at Harry. 

Harry rolled his eyes. “Well I’m not like I was then, am I? I can get back on track without all - “

“Tell me why you want to be sober!” Ron talked over him.

Harry laughed, “Fine!” He scrubbed at his hair and pulled a single lock down over his face. He said softly, “I don’t want to die. I almost died this time and I don’t want alcohol to be the cause my death.”

Ron wrote in giant letters, ‘I want to live.’ “Okay, that’s great. What next?”

“I don’t want to go back to how it was, when all I could think about was my next drink, my next fuck. Like I was some slave to all.”

Ron nodded and wrote, ‘I want to be free.’ “Yeah, okay. And?”

Harry darted a glance at Draco, “Scorpius is going to start crawling soon. I don’t want miss it because I’m passed out drunk in some back alley.”

‘I want to see my family grow.’ The three lines of text stood out in stark relief. Harry felt better just looking at them. Three perfectly good goals.

Harry blushed, and Draco smiled. Ron put the pen away and got out a red one. “Family next. Name some people you want to stay sober for.” Ron went ahead and wrote ‘Scorpius’ and ‘Ron’ on the outer edges of the paper. 

“Hermione. Molly. Arthur.” Harry paused. “Ginny, your brothers.” Ron wrote ‘Hermione’ and ‘Weasleys’ on the paper. “Draco,” Harry said with a shy smile at Draco. 

Ron added the last name and put the cap on the pen. “Let’s see your arm, then.” While Harry exposed his left forearm, Ron made a complicated motion over the paper with his wand. A small duplicate copy hovered a few centimetres from the tip of Ron’s wand. He laid the shimmery image over Harry’s arm, where it sunk into the skin like a tattoo.

“What is that?” Draco asked.

“It’s a temporary tattoo spell,” Ron answered. “A friend of Luna’s is a tattoo artist and she showed me. It’ll last about a month. Helps clients decide if they like the design before inking it.”

Harry traced his fingers over the blue and red image with a smile. “All right, next.”

“Yes,” Ron said. He uncapped a green pen and got a fresh sheet of paper. “Where are your safe places?”

“Here, obviously.” Ron nodded and wrote ‘home’ to the paper. Harry closed his eyes and imagined going to work. After a few moments of contemplation he said, “I can handle work, if I stay in the office. I don’t think I should be making house calls or tramping around forests.”

‘Office work’ was added to the list. “Right. What about the Burrow? If you don’t want to do Christmas there, ‘Mione and I can come here Boxing Day. Or we could do a dry Christmas. No one will mind.”

Harry nibbled his nails and ducked his head. “I’m not sure. About Ginny.”

“We’ve got time. We can worry about Christmas later. Let’s just consider the next few days.”

“Yeah. Yeah, ok. I think that might be it. I’d best stay close to home.”

“All right. Next,” Ron pulled out a purple pen, “what habits are going to help?”

“I need to start eating regularly again. I’d like to run but the track is snowy. Maybe the attic space can be renovated for running? Or maybe I can take up yoga. It’s got a lot of deep breathing that sometimes helps.”

“I’ll just put down exercise and we’ll work out what kind works best in this space.”

“Night time is the hardest and Scorpius is - he’s a good anchor. I’d like to take over more of his night time care.” Harry looked nervously at Draco. Was this crossing a line, taking parenting time away from Draco?

“Are you looking for my permission? Because I would love to get more consecutive nights of sleep. But won’t you be tired during the day? And won’t that make it worse?”

“I won’t be sleeping and having that responsibility will keep me from just up and leaving again. I like to be needed.”

“All right then. I can’t argue with that,” Draco said with a smile. 

“That’s great! Anything else?” Ron asked.

“I think that’s it for now.”

Ron duplicated both papers several times. The large originals he took to the sitting room and stuck to the wall with a charm. One set of smaller copies he pasted on the fridge. Another set he pasted to the wall in Harry’s bedroom. The last set he saved for Harry to take to work and post in his office.

The leftover paper and pens went back into Ron’s bag and then he pulled out a single parchment with the month of December printed on it. He stuck that on the fridge too after crossing off the sixteenth of December. “To count the days,” he explained to Draco. “We’re going to make it this time, Harry!”

“You always say that,” Harry said with a lopsided smile.

“But this time I mean it,” Ron shot back.

“You always say that too!” Harry laughed.

“Shut it, you! I thought we were having breakfast?”

Harry shook his head at his best friend and got up to start frying eggs.

\--------

Ron didn’t come over every day, because Harry had Draco to keep him company. Each evening, Harry crossed off his days and felt confident he could make it work this time. Draco saw to it he ate breakfast and arrived to work on time Monday morning. Harry talked to his boss about staying in the Ministry for the time being, which wasn’t an issue as other interns could handle the outside jobs. 

The attic of the cottage would need serious work to make into any usable space and the yoga didn’t burn as much energy as Harry would have liked. Draco did a little research and found a handy spell for shoes to make running along the slippery ice more manageable. Harry had to take it slow, but he was once again able to run outside. The frigid air kept his head clear but cold. There was always a warm fire waiting at home.

Harry loved the extra time spent with Scorpius. He was more tired during the day but he knew he would have been tired anyway. With this arrangement, exhaustion also came with precious baby smiles and snuggles on the sofa. The warm weight of the sleepy baby on his chest kept that horrid floating feeling at bay. When he finally got to sleep, it was deep and dreamless.

Ginny would be home for her two week holiday on Wednesday evening. Molly and Arthur were hosting a large dinner to welcome her, and invited both Draco and Harry. The invitation sat ominously between them at breakfast Tuesday morning.

“What do you think about going?” Draco asked.

“I’m not sure. I’m afraid of what she’ll say. About you. About me and her.” Harry shovelled eggs in his mouth to dam the flood of words that threatened to spill out.

“I’d be worried about the same if I were you. She hasn’t written since that day.” Draco was letting Harry read his mail again but there’d been no word from Ginny. Neither of them knew what had been in her first letter.

“I think I can get out of it if I promise to see her for Christmas. What do you think about Christmas at the Burrow?”

“That’s up to you. Think you can handle it? I’ll be taking a portkey to France that morning to see Mother and Father. It might be best if you go, just so you won’t be here alone.”

“Yeah…” Harry trailed off in thought. The Weasleys probably wouldn’t mind keeping the house free of alcohol for the time being. They’d done it before when Harry was in the early struggles of staying sober. “I’ll write to her today and let her know.”

The Weasleys were, of course, happy to help Harry in any way they could. He spent Friday baking with Draco. Together they made enough for Draco to have a box of treats to take to his parents the next day. 

Harry lay awake most of the night just watching Scorpius sleep. Draco was taking Scorpius to France for a week, and Harry knew the separation would be painful. He could only hope he didn’t miss anything insanely adorable. Or his first tentative crawling. Harry needed those milestones.

In the morning he hugged them both goodbye and flooed straight into chaos at the Burrow. Bill and Fleur had stayed the previous night with their two children and the little ones were buzzing around with parchment airplanes Arthur made for them. George and Angelina had arrived just before Harry with large packages wrapped in blindingly bright paper. 

Harry set his presents under the tree and went to the kitchen to drop off his baked goods. He found Bill and Molly laughing over the pots stirring themselves on the cooktop. 

“Harry!” Molly said happily. “You can set those right here. Happy Christmas!” She hugged him tight and offered him a plate of biscuits.

“Biscuits for breakfast? What would Arthur say?”

“Nothing because he’s already eaten several himself. It’s Christmas!” She kissed his cheek and went back to the food. “Ginny’s upstairs getting ready. Should be down in a trice.” There was a hesitation before she said, “I hope you don’t mind I’ve talked to her about Draco. Maybe now she understands and it won’t be a problem anymore.”

“Oh. Yes, thank you Molly.” Harry snagged another biscuit with a wink and went to find the others.

George was sharing new products he’d designed, jewellery and hair clips that could change pieces of your appearance. Victoire had four inch long fingernails, and Dominique had brilliant purple hair. They were running in shrieking circles around Angelina, who sported glowing green eyes.

Ginny came down the stairs, looking just as vibrant and beautiful as Harry remembered. It almost hurt to look at her, so full of life, when Harry still felt delicate as spun sugar. She hugged him carefully and he sighed into her hair. 

“Oh Gin, I’ve missed you so much.”

“Harry.” Her breath hitched and her arms tightened around him. “Happy Christmas,” she whispered.

He laughed and wiped at his eyes. “Happy Christmas.”

And it was. The rest of the Weasleys arrived, gifts were exchanged, and much food was eaten. Harry and Ron built snowmen with the children, and Hermione animated them to wobble around the yard. Molly, Fleur, and Audrey spelled parchment into delicate snowflakes to float near the ceiling. There were games of chess, and cards. And a Quidditch game cut short by snow that ended with hot chocolate by the fire.

A perfect Christmas.


	5. Ch 5

All the married Weasley children went home that evening to spend Boxing Day with their spouses’ families. Ginny, Charlie, Molly, Arthur, and Harry stayed in their pyjamas for most of the morning just playing games and eating leftovers from their Christmas feast.

After a late lunch, Harry invited Ginny to the Not-So-Secret Garden so she could see the cottage he’d talked so much about. They showered and dressed, and Harry packed up some of the food in case they decided to stay at the cottage for dinner.

They flooed into the sitting room. The first thing Harry saw was the posters Ron had made. He’d forgotten to take them down before he left. Although Ginny knew about his relapse, he hated the obvious evidence of it. Thankfully, she didn’t say anything about it. She looked around the sitting room and bent to pick up a squishy bunny toy Scorpius liked to gnaw on.

“Give me a tour, then.” She tossed the bunny in the toy basket and reached for Harry’s hand.

As they walked through the house, Harry tried to gauge her emotions. Was she happy to be here with him? Still upset with him? She laughed at his stories of Scorpius, but was that out of politeness? 

They stepped out into the back garden for a few minutes so she could see the track that circled the property. It was too cold to stay long so they hurried back to the kitchen to warm themselves with tea.

Ginny ran her fingers along the line of x’s on Harry’s calendar before pulling the fridge open for milk. She caught his eye for a moment before settling at the table. “It’s because of me, isn’t it? Your relapse?”

Harry stared down into the steeping mugs. With a sigh, he carried them to the table. “It’s my own fault. For not asking for help when I needed it. I mean, yeah, I was upset about you and me, but that’s no excuse. I can’t be blaming everyone else for my failures.”

“I think this time, though, I failed you.” Ginny traced along the back of his fingers. “Mum told me to stop fussing about you and Draco - ”

“ _I_ told you to stop fussing about me and Draco.”

Ginny cringed. “I know. But Harry, you’re here with it all the time. Mum sees it all the time. For them it’s all normal. All I get is what I see in the papers and it looks so… “

“There’s also what I write you. I’ve told you how having Draco and Scorpius has helped me. And I’ve sent you trinkets to let you know I’m thinking of you. Told you I loved you in a million ways. Short of kicking my housemates out, what else can I do?”

“I don’t know. It’s just weird. I mean you bought him a house! What does that mean?”

“I didn’t _buy_ him a house. I already had a house and he needed one. It was just coincidental timing.”

“Why would you have a hidden house?”

“I - “ Harry choked off and shook his head. “I bought it - for us.”

Ginny’s face screwed up in confusion. “This was for us?” She looked around, with new eyes. “When did you do that? Why didn’t you tell me?” Her eyes widened. “The grand gesture.” She groaned and dropped her head into her hands. “Oh my god, you bought a house?”

“Actually, it was in the works long before. Signed the papers for it the day you were accepted to the national team.” Harry smiled at Ginny’s shock. “I didn’t want to overshadow your news, or pressure you. And then it never seemed the right time to tell you.” He paused and looked down at his cup. “And then it seemed you might not want it.”

Ginny huffed a sour laugh, “Well I guess we’ll never know, will we?” She stood to pace the kitchen. “How did things get so fucked up between us?”

Harry was not about to fall into that trap. He stayed silent, sipping at bitter, over-steeped tea while his heart raced with fear and tension. 

Absently Ginny opened random cupboards. She pulled a plate out and a few pieces of cutlery. With increasing desperation, she dumped food and kitchenware out onto the worktops. “What is all this? Was all of this supposed to be mine, but now it’s Draco’s? Did you go shopping for dishes in the hopes _I’d_ like them, or _Draco_? Did you buy this shit together?” As her rage built, she started tossing things with more ferocity until a pair of tongs went skittering to the floor and a mug went sailing to the other side of the room to smash against the wall.

“You think this is what I wanted?” Harry yelled back. “Living here with a friend and his baby, instead of my girlfriend? I didn’t plan this, Ginny. In fact the only thing in the house when Draco got here was a huge bouquet of long-dead roses I’d conjured for _you_. I _wanted_ this for _us_! Planned it for ages!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me? If this was meant to be so great and wonderful for us, why couldn’t you tell me about it?”

“Because you were being such a bitch about everything! All right? Two men snogging on the pavement fucked everything up! Practically overnight I hated everything about myself and all the shit I went through. I doubted you. Me. Us. Everything! All of it was wrong and broken and when Draco said he needed a safe place to be, I was relieved to hand it over so the decision would be out of my hands. If we were going to work out, we’d find a new place. Somewhere without all the fucking memories of things that never were!”

Harry threw his mug of tea against the wall to shatter along with Ginny’s. Two plates and a slender glass vase followed.

“Is that better now?” he continued to yell. “Smash my things, along with Draco’s? Does that make it better? Does that make you believe me when I say I’m not fucking Draco? I’m not interested in fucking Draco! He’s not interested in fucking me!”

“Harry - “ Ginny tried to interrupt, tears streaming down her face.

“What? Going to try and tell me you’re not jealous now? That you’re sorry? It’s too late for that! I can’t handle this anymore. I’m trying my best to keep all my pieces together and you keep coming along and kicking them apart again.” He summoned the calendar from the fridge. “See this? This isn’t a joke. I almost died, Ginny. If Draco hadn’t alerted Ron, who spent hours combing London for me, I’d be dead.”

Ginny shook her head and reached for him. Harry stepped out of her reach. “I think you should go.”

“That’s it? Just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that.” Harry wrapped his arms around himself. “I can’t keep me together and us too.”

“I can help you, Harry.”

“Yeah? From your training camp? Going to visit me between games? You’re not here, Ginny and that’s the problem. You’re not here enough to see there’s nothing between me and Draco. You’re not here to keep me company when I need it. You’re not _here_!”

“I could be. Or, I will be soon!” She hiccupped a cry and covered her face, turning her back to him. “Fuck! I didn’t think I’d have to choose like this!”

Harry sighed, “Damn it, Ginny, I’m not asking you to. I just think we need to - to spend some time apart. We put our relationship on hold before, we can do it again.”

“Oh god, please don’t leave me, Harry!” She turned and reached for him but he stepped out of her reach again.

“Stop thinking of it as leaving. It’s just a - a tiny break. Finish the Cup. Bring England to a victory while I sort myself out again. Let me focus on the things I need without worrying about us. You focus on flying without worrying about what’s happening at home. We’ll wait for each other.”

“I should just go?” she asked in a small voice.

“Yeah,” he said through a dry throat. “Just go.”

Ginny looked at the mess around her and curled in on herself as she left the room. Harry heard the whoosh of the floo and cursed again, throwing another mug at the wall.

He didn’t really think she’d go.

This was bad. Very, very bad. His blood ran hot and vicious through his veins, burning trails through his whole body. Even his breath burned in his lungs. He needed to run. Hard.

Not even bothering with proper attire, Harry burst out of the kitchen door to run on the track around the house. If he paused to think for even a moment, he’d apparate away to somewhere he shouldn’t be. He ran, slipping and falling on the ice. He ran, even though his lungs burned and tears froze on his face. He ran, and ran, and ran. Until finally he collapsed in the snow. 

He rolled to his side, gasping in the frigid air. He cradled his arm and ran his fingers over the red and blue letters. He would live. He would be free. He would see his family grow.

Not entirely sure his legs would support him, he crawled through the garden to the house. As he was opening the door, a loud crack sounded.

Draco. 

Draco was here, with Scorpius.

“Harry! Harry! Where - Oh!” Draco eyed the trashed kitchen and turned back to the sitting room. “You stay there,” he yelled. 

Draco came back to the kitchen alone and helped a wet and shivering Harry to his feet. “Fuck, are you all right? What happened here? Did you - are you - fuck!” He half carried, half dragged Harry to his room and helped him out of his wet clothes and into dry ones.

Harry slurred through his shivers, “I didn’t drink anything, if that’s what you’re trying to ask.” 

Draco choked off a sob, “What happened to you?” Scorpius cried from his bedroom but Draco ignored him. He summoned a Pepper-Up potion for Harry.

“The baby…” Harry tried to say, but Draco poured the potion down his throat.

“He’s fine. It's because we apparated.” Draco pulled another jumper on Harry and tucked him into bed, adding a warming charm to his pillow and duvet. “I’ll be right back.”

Harry settled into the warmth of his bed, letting the potion work its magic to calm the shivering. Draco returned in short order with a happily drooling Scorpius. They joined Harry in the bed.

“What are you doing here, Draco?” Harry asked quietly.

“After you ran away… that night… I charmed Scorpius’s silver rattle to let me know if you were in distress. Heart rate, adrenaline level… a few other things.”

Harry pulled his hair from Scorpius’s grasp and kissed the tiny fist. “I’m trying to be offended but that was probably a good call.”

“Scorpius screamed when it went off. It blares like a banshee. I grabbed everything within reach and headed to the portkey office. They couldn’t get me to the house but it was close enough I could apparate the rest of the way.”

They listened to the baby coo and gurgle, until Harry slid his legs into Draco’s. Draco squeezed Harry’s hand. 

“Did I miss anything absolutely adorable?” Harry asked.

Draco gave a broken laugh, “No, you idiot. I wouldn’t put him down and risk him crawling away without you to see.” He gave a deep sniff and wiped his face. “What happened, Harry?” he asked quietly.

“Ginny and I had a big blowout. We both said stupid, ugly things. And then she left.” Harry pulled the baby closer and kissed the top of his head. Draco also scooted closer and hugged them both.

“I guess there’s not much else to say.”

\--------

Harry made his way out of bed late in the morning the following day. He found Draco kneeling at the sitting room floo for a call, just as Ron apparated in, radiating panic.

“Harry! Thank fuck, you’re all right!” He pulled Harry in for a tight hug that lasted four seconds longer than usual.

Harry pulled away gently. “I guess you heard.”

Ron gave a hysterical bark of laughter. “Yeah, this morning. Ginny - she was - “ he growled and huffed a heavy sigh. “I was afraid I was too late.”

“I was trying to call you,” Draco said, “but you weren’t at home.” 

“No, we stayed over at Hermione’s parents last night.”

Draco said to Harry, “He sent a Patronus to ask after you but I couldn’t send one back so I was trying to call.”

Ron slapped Draco’s back, “Thanks, mate. Wait, what are you doing here? I thought you were in France this week?”

“Yes but I came back early.”

“Lucky,” Ron said with a nod. “Anyway, I’m pissed at Ginny for leaving you alone. She should have told me. Save me a heart attack at least.” He groaned and collapsed on the sofa. “Hermione’s not gonna like this development.”

Harry went to the kitchen, kicked around the broken pottery, and returned with a glass of juice and a cherry tartlet. “Yeah, no one does. It’s been a long time coming though. I should have done this, she should have done that. We could go round and round. Fact is, we can’t manage a long distance relationship.”

“So what’s next?” Ron asked.

Harry shrugged. “I drown my sorrows in running and ice cream. Stick to the routine. Get myself on solid ground again. Maybe by then, she’ll be done with the World Cup and back to the simple schedule she kept with the Harpies.”

Ron tapped the cushion next to him and looked over at Draco, who could only shrug. “You staying here, or heading back to France?”

“I’m staying.”

“All right, then I’m going back to the Grangers’ house. If either of you need me, call. Yes?” Both of them nodded. Ron hugged Harry hard and flooed back to Hermione. 

“You don’t have to stay with me,” Harry said. “I can go stay with Ron and Hermione. Or George and Angie. I know you haven’t seen your parents in a while.”

“I know, but I’d feel better staying here. Knowing you’re here where you feel safe.”

“Thanks, Draco. Again.”

“Let’s get you something good to eat.” 

They went to the kitchen and observed the mess. Harry picked an ice cream scoop up from the floor and tossed it into the sink. “I guess some of it is salvageable.”

“Can I ask what happened?” Draco pulled out the rubbish bin and with his wand directed the broken pottery inside. 

Harry started lifting out the things that weren’t broken. “The usual. She’s jealous of you.” He hesitated then said, “I bought this house for her. For us. She found out and was royally pissed that I lived here with you. It just escalated from there.”

“Oh.” Draco set the bin aside and started cleaning and putting away the utensils. “Why are you being so stubborn about this? Why don’t you let me leave so you two can fix what’s wrong?”

“Because it’s not you that’s the problem. It’s just… other men in general.” Harry scrubbed at his hair and looked at a confused Draco. “After the war, the _Daily Prophet_ gleefully posted about ‘Playboy Potter’ but somehow managed to leave out the fact that some of those one-offs were with men.”

Draco’s mouth dropped open in surprise, then shut abruptly as a blush washed over his cheeks.

“Yeah, well. Ginny found out and now she feels threatened by the entire male species spending time with me. If you left and I found someone else to live here, she’d just be jealous of him too. I mean, one of our arguments was because a waiter winked at me. It’s stupid and I’m not playing into that by kicking you and Scorpius out.”

“I… see… “ Draco said slowly, clearly not seeing. He pulled food from the fridge to begin a late breakfast. 

“I’ve tried talking to her about trusting me but it’s not working. So last night I told her we needed to put our relationship on hold, like we did during the war and after when I got clean the first time. I need time to put myself back together, she needs time to win the World Cup. Hopefully our two goals will coincide and we can get back together.”

“But if not?”

“She’s been pulling away for a long time. I’m continuing on as though it’s already over. Might as well be.” Harry slammed the last few cupboards shut and collapsed in a chair at the table. “Ginny’s always loved me, but she’s always loved me on her own terms, in her own way. And I used to like that. It felt real, like a choice she made continuously, you know? But now, it just feels like I didn’t live up to her expectations and she can’t handle it.” Harry laid his head down while he considered his next words. Draco pottered about, withholding judgement for the time being.

“She wasn’t around much, you know… back when I was first getting sober. Started her career right out of school. Ron was invaluable back then. Nearly got kicked out of Auror training but he didn’t care. He took care of me day after day. List after list. Food, showers, sessions with the mind healer. Ron saw to it I stuck with a routine until it _became_ routine. And eventually it worked. Well, mostly worked,” Harry said with a pointed look at the current list on the fridge.

“It worked, Harry. Setbacks happen but you’re still trying. I’m proud of you for not giving in last night.”

“It was a close call.” He smiled when Draco set down a plate of fruit, cubed cheese, and toast. “I asked Ginny on our first date on my one year anniversary. I felt ready to live again. Believed I could make a life with her. But I think she’s still stuck on the ideal she remembered from before. Because she didn’t see how bad it got.”

Scorpius cried from his cot and Harry shot to his feet. “I’ll get him. You keep eating.” Harry went to scoop the little baby up. He put on a fresh nappy and a clean romper. In orange and blue stripes, he looked like an adorable baby prisoner. Babies should always dress in stripes, he thought with a silly giggle. 

“Anyway,” he continued with Draco, “she’s afraid I’m going to start lusting after some other man and leave her for him. And even though it’s ridiculous, I haven’t found a way to convince her otherwise. So better to let her go and think what she wants.”

“It’s only a few more months, right? Maybe you can fix it during her summer break.”

Harry shrugged, “I think in many ways, we were both already pulling away. By summer, there might not be anything left to mend.”

“I’m sorry, Harry.”

“Me too.” 

The rest of the week passed in a blur. Harry and Draco mostly stayed in pyjamas around the house. Harry felt lucky to have Draco to drag him out of bed in the morning and keep him distracted. They had a big celebration on New Year’s Eve, just the three of them, when Scorpius finally crawled a few steps forward. Harry couldn’t imagine a better start to the new year.

He decided it was best if he skipped the Burrow Brunch that Sunday. Ginny would be heading back to her training on Wednesday and it would probably be too painful to see her so soon.

Going back to work served as a good distraction, as usual. He eagerly took the new crup registries down to Archives just to waste an extra hour with Draco and Scorpius before lunch. Focusing on paperwork kept him from dwelling too hard on Ginny.

He saved that for his night-times with Scorpius. Harry woke with the baby nearly every night at around two. He’d heat the bottle, then rock the baby while he babbled about the thoughts he couldn’t get rid of. Ginny’s smile. The way she threw popcorn at the telly. Shopping and sharing ice cream. The plans they’d made for a future. The fights they’d had and what he could have done differently.

Not that it mattered. He had a past he couldn’t change, she had a jealous streak she couldn’t get rid of. Night after night, Harry said goodbye to the things he loved about Ginny. He made note of the pieces of a relationship he missed the most and made plans to get them back, but from the people already close to him.

On fourteenth January he was thirty days sober and he celebrated with a Friday Film Night with Ron, Hermione, and Draco. They had so much fun, they decided to make it a regular thing. Instead of alternating Saturday shopping with Draco, he asked if they could go together each week. They took Scorpius along and shared special treats at Patty Cake before heading home.

He went each Sunday to Burrow Brunch and spent the afternoon with the various Weasleys. They always welcomed him like a son, despite the separation between Ginny and him. Sometimes Draco came along with Scorpius, and he was made just as welcome.

Was that all he had with Ginny? Their weekend relationship didn’t leave much time for growth, only Harry hadn’t seen it before. Day to day was much the same as it was before - work, Scorpius, running. All told, he was doing much better about the separation than he would have anticipated. The weekends held no anxiety for Harry and so he could channel his energy into the discipline he needed.

As January came to a close, almost eight-month-old Scorpius started sleeping through the night more often. But Harry still woke up at two, to pace and worry. Once a week, or so, he snuck into Draco’s room to sleep on the floor because he didn’t want to spend the time alone. Draco never mentioned it in the morning, for which Harry was grateful.

Ginny sent two tickets to her next match, in the Tutshill Tornados’ stadium, at the beginning of February. Ron flooed over when his two tickets arrived.

“You lot think you’ll go?” Ron asked.

“I don’t know,” Harry said. “Will it be weird?”

“Eh, probably. You remember how it was at her first game, right? There’s bound to be loads more people at the after-party. You could avoid her entirely if you wanted. And you don’t have to stay the night.”

“It _would_ be fun to see another match…” Harry turned to Draco and said, “How well do you think Scorpius would do?”

“Well enough, I suppose. Matches are always such a loud affair, no one will care if he’s cranky. We’ll pack snacks and things. We can manage.”

“I guess we’re in then!” 

Plans were put in place for travel. Harry, Draco, and Scorpius flooed to the Burrow early that Saturday morning to meet the rest of the group. Fleur, Audrey, and Molly were staying behind, and Charlie couldn’t get the time off. The eight of them gathered around the portkey and were swept off to the stadium.

“I haven’t done this in so long!” Draco whispered loudly in Harry’s ear. “I’d forgotten what it feels like.” He looked around with shining, wide eyes. Scorpius bounced in his arms, waving his arms at all the people around them.

“I think it’s this way,” Ron shouted over the din. The group made their way through the gates and up to find their seats.

“Harry Potter!” 

Harry whipped his head around, to find Ben smiling widely at him. “Ben. Not surprised to see you here. How are things?”

“Good. Good,” Ben said, eyeing Draco up and down. “I’m Ben Thistlewaite, and you are?”

“Oh, right, er… Ben, this is Draco Malfoy. Draco, this is Ben. He’s the keeper’s brother.”

“So very nice to meet you, Draco.” Ben took his hand eagerly. 

Draco smirked, “Isn’t it just.” He turned away and took a seat next to Hermione. She pulled out her program to share.

“We missed you at the last game,” Ben said with another glance at Draco.

“Yeah, something came up.”

Ben made a noncommittal sound and pointed at the seat next to Draco, “Mind if I sit here?”

“Sorry, that seat’s taken. Try down that way,” Draco pointed two rows down.

Harry sat in the seat next to Draco with a small smile. It widened when Scorpius crawled into his lap. 

Ben tilted his head at the two of them, then bent to whisper in Harry’s ear, “Not so serious about Ginny after all, are you?”

“That’s between me and her,” Harry said with a scowl. This was why he didn’t want to come. Exposure to Taffy and Ben was going to drive him mad.

“See you lot at the celebration,” Ben said as he sauntered off. He gave a loud cheer for England that set off another round of whoops from the gathered fans.

“I fucking hate that little prick,” Harry growled to Draco.

“Nice arse though,” Draco said. 

Harry snorted a laugh. “Maybe.” He laughed again when Draco arched his eyebrow. He couldn’t hold it for long and they both dissolved into giggles.

The crowd finally settled into seats as the game time approached. The cheers were deafening, and Harry worried about Scorpius. But the baby ate his tiny rice cake, uncaring about the noise around him. Across the stadium, they could see the bright blue and white of the Argentinian supporters. 

The players rose into the air and the snitch was set loose. In a surprising twist, and less than forty minutes after the first whistle, Taffy caught the snitch. Not a single goal was scored.

The stadium went nearly silent for a moment, then a cacophony broke out as the English supporters shouted their victory. While fireworks went off in the stadium, the two teams met on the field. Before long, they were pulling off their Quidditch jerseys and swapping them around. 

“What’s going on?” Harry asked.

Draco pulled a set of omnioculars out of the changing bag and zoomed in on the players. “It looks like - ugh, Scorpius! Stop, these are Daddy’s!”

Scorpius had latched onto the shiny omnioculars and was trying to pull them to his mouth. Harry, wrestling Scorpius and his wand, duplicated a smaller pair for the baby to play with. Scorpius bounced and drooled in Harry’s lap while Draco looked the players over. 

“Looks like they’re switching jerseys? I think maybe…” He trailed off as the two teams took to the air. 

The announcer’s voice boomed out over the noise of the crowd. “We are in for a special treat today! Our two competitors have merged and swapped positions and will play a friendly match! The line-up is as follows… For England… “

He rattled off a list of names, half from Argentina, half from England, all wearing the red and white English National jerseys, and no one playing their usual position. The rest played in the blue and white of Argentina.

The next two hours were a hilarious mess of a match. Chasers tossed the quaffle to the wrong players. Bludgers went wild, and occasionally into the stands. The announcer couldn’t remember who was _actually_ playing a position because the jerseys were on the wrong players. The game finally ended when Taffy, playing as the worst beater England had ever seen, couldn’t resist and caught the snitch a second time.

Another round of cheers and fireworks broke through the stadium. The players landed in the field and laughingly traded jerseys and hugs. Fans made their way to the exits, babbling about the unique match. There would be much to report in the _Daily Prophet_.

“You ready?” Draco asked.

Harry stood with Scorpius on his hip. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” 

Hermione elbowed Ron when he snorted at that statement. Ron shoved her back and said, “We’ll keep close, yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks, mate.”

\--------

Harry refused to budge from his corner, as far from the bar as one could get and still be attending. He kept Scorpius with him so Draco could mingle without worrying. The Weasleys and Draco took turns staying with Harry so he wouldn’t be tempted to sneak a drink.

Alcohol wasn’t the temptation he thought it would be. It was the scant glimpses of Ginny that were difficult to bear. She looked good, happy. Signing autographs and posing for pictures, she was completely in her element. And for a brief moment, Harry hated her. It wasn’t fair she was so happy without him. He was contemplating leaving when she caught his eye and gave a small smile. Feeling trapped in his corner, with Hermione at his side, Harry panicked. 

“She’s on her way over here,” Harry hissed at Hermione.

“Should I head her off?”

“No. Fuck. Fetch Draco? Tell him I’m ready to go.” Scorpius chose that moment to rub his chubby hands into his eyes. “Scorpius too,” Harry added.

With a brief smile at Ginny as she passed, Hermione disappeared into the crowd.

“You came,” Ginny said. She reached a hand out to pat Scorpius on his back, but he squirmed away from her with a screech and gripped hard at Harry’s hair and shirt. Her hand dropped to her side.

“Sorry, he’s had a long day.” Harry rubbed Scorpius’s back and kissed his cheek. “That was some game today. Congratulations!”

“Thanks. It was crazy, right?” She looked down at the drink in her hand, then her eyes widened. She vanished the glass and smoothed her robe down with a sheepish look. “How have you been? You look good.”

That was complete bullshit. Harry still had dark rings under his eyes, and hadn’t managed to gain back the weight he’d lost. And the tense set of his shoulders was starting to make his back ache. “I’ve been all right, I suppose. Sticking to the routine.”

“Good. That’s good. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” But he wasn’t. Harry’s skin was crawling and the baby was squirming in his arms and everything felt wrong. What did he say to this beautiful, sparkling woman that was so happy without him?

“I miss you, Harry. Miss your letters and… “ she trailed off with a sad smile. They both knew there was nothing to miss.

“I could write to you, if you wanted. Fill you in on what’s happening with everyone.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” She looked like she wanted to say more but her mouth snapped shut. Her eyes dropped to the floor, then up to Scorpius, who was squirming harder and rubbing his face into Harry’s shoulder with tiny whimpers. “Little man’s looking sleepy.”

“Yeah, like I said, long day. We’re getting ready to go.” Over her shoulder, Harry saw Draco approaching and he almost sighed in relief.

“Oh, so soon?”

“Yeah it’s - “

“Oh, that’s fine. I just - “

Scorpius reached for Draco with a small whine. Draco took hold of the baby with a kiss and gentle shushing sounds. Harry pulled the sling out of the changing bag and handed it to Draco. Scorpius calmed down as they were wrapped together. The sling meant travelling home.

“Malfoy, good to see you.”

“And you as well,” Draco said with a polite smile. “Thank you for the tickets. We had a wonderful time. It’s my first non-work or family event since the baby came.”

“It was a spectacular win,” Harry said, nodding along. “Send my congratulations to Taffy.”

Ginny’s eyes met his and the moment stretched between them. Softly, she said, “Goodbye, Harry.”

“Goodbye, Gin.” 

And somehow, it felt like the end.

\--------

Harry went to his bedroom early that night, but couldn’t go right to sleep. He curled up in his bed, over-analysing the after-party. How did he feel, saying goodbye? Was it a real goodbye? Over between them, forever?

He curled up on his bed, rocking himself and trying not to scream in frustration. He was doing well! He was moving forward! It wasn’t fair he was falling down yet again. And she looked so perfect, so beautiful. Moving on like there was nothing lost.

When he heard Scorpius crying, sometime later, he crept down the hall to his room. Draco was already there, pacing the room and bouncing the baby, crooning a lullaby to calm him. Harry didn’t want to interfere in the moment, but Draco caught sight of him and motioned him forward with a smile.

“Look who I found, baby,” Draco whispered to Scorpius. His head popped off Draco’s shoulder to look around. When he caught sight of Harry, he bawled harder and reached his arms out for Harry to pick him up.

“Poor baby is over tired,” Draco said.

“It was a lot, wasn’t it, little man?” Harry said as he started walking the baby around the room. “So many people being so loud. But it’s okay now. We’re home and we’re safe here. And it’s quiet, and we have bun-bun to keep us company.” As he passed the cot, Harry scooped out the bunny toy Scorpius loved. 

“Maybe Scorpius wishes we hadn’t gone.”

“Maybe,” Harry agreed. “But we did go, so no lamenting it now.” He kissed Scorpius’s soggy cheek and rubbed over the fuzzy-bald head until Scorpius laid his head on Harry’s shoulder. “And maybe it was for the best. That way he doesn’t have to wonder all the time. He just knows. And he got to say goodbye and everything.”

“You think he’ll be happy now?” Draco asked.

“Yeah,” Harry said softly, “I think he’ll be happy now.” He hummed softly for Scorpius and continued his circuit around the room.

Draco nodded and slipped out of the room without a sound.

Harry finally got the baby to sleep and went down the hall. He paused by Draco’s door, considering, but went on to his own room. His own bed felt cavernous and cold. Sleep eluded him as thoughts of Ginny ran through his head. 

He hadn’t lied earlier, he was glad he’d gone to the game. And happy he’d seen Ginny. It really brought home to him how stressful their relationship had become and how far apart they’d pushed each other.

Feeling restless, Harry got out of bed and paced his room. His skin itched all over. The need to flee was running high and it was only the thought of Draco and Scorpius that kept him from giving in. He couldn’t leave. Couldn’t leave. He tugged at his hair with a groan.

He whipped around when the door creaked open. Draco poked his head in and then came in when he saw Harry pacing. “I heard you pacing and came to see if you were all right.”

Harry smiled fondly, “Liar, you can’t hear me pacing.”

“No. But I couldn’t go to sleep while you were putting Scorpius down.” He crossed his arms and looked down at the floor, “I was just worried about you.”

“I’m not as bad off as I thought I’d be,” Harry said. “Well, I am, but it’s… I don’t know…” He scrubbed at his face and sighed, then moved to his bed. Sitting cross legged by the head board, he fiddled with the hem of his pyjamas.

Draco sat on the other end of the bed, stretching his legs out beside Harry. “Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, but not really. It’s like… seeing her again, and thinking about it all… “ Harry trailed off and stared at the ceiling. “The thing about Ginny is she’s always been independent. Headstrong. She never _needed_ me, you know? And I loved that about her. But that meant - “ He broke off and swiped at his eyes.

Draco shifted to sit next to Harry. He wrapped an arm around his shoulder and Harry gratefully rested his head on Draco’s shoulder.

“She doesn’t need me.” They sat quietly for several minutes and then Harry said, “When Ron and Hermione got married, Ron said it was his best day because now he knew she’d never leave him. I said, ‘She’d never do that, she loves you!’ and he said, ‘Mate, we both know she could do better.’ Hermione gets caught up, you know? In her projects and work. She’s got an elaborate life plan all mapped out…”

“That doesn’t surprise me at all.”

Harry snorted. “But in the end, she _does_ need him. You can see it when he surprises her into a laugh, or when he puts the pieces together before she does. It’s beautiful, you know? But Ginny… she’s never going to be like that with me.”

“You can’t know that,” Draco said softly.

Harry shook his head. “I think by setting her aside, during the war, she learned not to depend on me. And by shielding her from the worst of me after, she never really understood it all. She was happy enough to see me on the weekends and continue on with her life the rest of the time.” 

“So you’re giving up?” Draco nudged him in the side. “That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

Harry gave a slow smile, “I’m not giving up. I’m letting go of the idea of her. She’s wonderful and amazing, but she’s not mine. I doubt she ever was.”

“How close an eye should I keep on you?”

Harry took Draco’s hand and laughed, “A moderate one. I think I’ll be all right.”

“Can I stay here the night anyway?”

“Yeah,” Harry whispered, “I’d like that.”


	6. Ch 6

Harry had a hard time getting to work Monday morning. It was Valentine’s Day, and the Ministry reverted to behaving like a lovesick fool on that day. When Draco and Harry landed in the atrium, they were assaulted by red heart-shaped memos. Rose petals were scattered all around. The cafeteria boasted a special pudding for any couples that came in. 

“Is that - oh my word! Look.” Harry pointed to a far corner. “It looks like you can get your picture taken with cupid. This is outrageous. Trust the Ministry to turn a ridiculous holiday into an even more ridiculous affair.”

Draco rolled his eyes and took the changing bag from Harry. “You know where to find me if you need me,” he said as he walked away.

“Wait,” Harry called after his retreating form, “does that mean you don’t want to get your picture taken with me? My feelings are hurt!”

Draco stuck two fingers up at him and kept walking. 

That afternoon, Harry took a deep breath before opening the door to Draco’s office. Draco was sitting cross legged next to Scorpius’s play corner. He was making notes on a pile of parchment in his lap, referencing a set of books on the floor. Scorpius was behind the translucent ward that kept him on the playmat, rustling with his own parchment. When he saw Harry, he squealed and smacked his hand on the ward, sending blue ripples cascading out. 

Harry dropped the ward to let Scorpius crawl to him. “Hey sweet baby, did you miss me? Is Daddy letting you eat parchment again?”

Draco gathered his materials to put on his desk and said, “It was charmed so it would _sound_ like parchment, but not crumble under the wash of drool like parchment. You’re here early, everything all right?”

“Yeah,” Harry kissed Scorpius and sat with him in his corner. “I left the Ministry today.”

Draco looked surprised at Harry. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Stacking blocks for Scorpius, Harry could only shrug. Scorpius knocked the stack down with a loud shriek. 

“How was it?” Draco finally asked.

“It was good. I just flooed to a witch’s house to help her get rid of a ghoul so she could put her house up for sale, and came right back. Simple. And no trouble at all.” He pulled a laughing Scorpius into his lap for a hug, but had to let him go when he squirmed his way back to the blocks. Scorpius gave Harry a block to stack again.

Draco sat on the floor next to Harry. “I’m proud of you, Harry.”

“Thanks,” Harry said with a smile. “Anyway, I finished work early and thought I’d take Scorpius so you could finish up.”

“Actually, that would be great,” Draco said with a look at his desk. “You’re going home now?”

“Yeah. Come on, little man. Let’s get your things.” While Draco and Harry put baby things back in the changing bag, Scorpius crawled as fast as he could to the bookshelves across the room. As usual, he was scooped up before he could reach his goal. “None of that, now. Let’s go! Say bye to Daddy!” Harry leaned in so Draco could kiss the baby goodbye. “We’ll see you at home!”

Harry put on music to dance and sing to while he and Scorpius made dinner. He was just putting a batch of chocolate biscuits in the oven when Draco came through the floo. That night they celebrated Harry’s first solo foray into the world, even if it was just a tiny step forward.

There were still days that Harry had a hard time getting out of bed. There were still nights when Harry’s run lasted longer than it should have. There were times Harry wrote long letters to Ginny but those all ended up in the fire. 

He hated to think it, but he was happier without her. It was easier to leave the house, to stick to his routine, to laugh and live when he didn’t have a cloud of jealousy and suspicion hanging over him. Occasionally he still appeared in the _Daily Prophet_ but it didn’t choke him with anxiety anymore.

When tickets to Ginny’s next game arrived, Harry didn’t hesitate to go along. Bill, Ron, and Harry caught a portkey to Romania the last weekend in March. Charlie met them at the stadium. It was a cutthroat match in a misty drizzle that made for poor visibility. England just barely edged out the Romanian team to secure a win. 

The after-party went much better this time around. Harry didn’t feel panicked by the presence of alcohol, and it was good to see Ginny again, now that he had shifted her from girlfriend to friend in his mind. Ginny, too, was more relaxed around Harry as though she’d made a similar shift. 

Ron and Bill were staying a few days to visit with Charlie so Harry took a portkey home alone. He was surprised to find Draco still awake, reading in his favorite armchair.

“What are you still doing awake?”

“I was waiting for you. I was… I wanted to see how it went.”

“Oh,” Harry said with a warm smile. “It was good. Ginny and I danced, and we got the chance to talk. Like, really talk.”

“That’s good. Right?”

Harry landed on the sofa with a sigh, “Yeah, it was really good. She’d kind of come to the same conclusions I had, you know, about pushing her away and her subconscious fear that I’d do it again one day. And our goals were so different. She loves playing Quidditch and the travel and all. The thought of a house and kids and day-to-day in the same place… that’s not what she wants.”

Draco’s shoulders relaxed. “That’s good, then, that you were able to talk it out.”

Harry nodded, “She did say she’d rather we didn’t make a big deal about the split. She doesn’t want it to overshadow the Cup, or set people’s tongues wagging. I told her I’d draft a statement or something for the summer, during her break.”

“You seem happy,” Draco said with a smile.

“I am. It hurts, not having her anymore, but it also feels right. And she’s… we’re still going to be friends. And that’s maybe best for us.”

“Good.” Draco pat him on the leg, then stood. “If you need anything, though, you come find me. All right?”

“Of course.” Harry smiled, “Thanks, Draco. For everything. I don’t think I’d have made it so far without you.”

A blush may have warmed Draco’s cheeks as he nodded a thanks, but it was hard to tell in the low light. “Good night, then,” Draco said softly. 

“Good night.” Harry watched him leave, relishing the feeling of being at home, with his family.

\--------

Two weeks later, the official invitation for Blaise and Pansy’s wedding arrived. Harry ate his cereal watching the shimmery ink welcoming him and a ‘plus one.’ But Harry didn’t have a ‘plus one’ anymore. He sighed heavily, lamenting the loss of Ginny and his self-imposed celibacy. 

Draco came in with a squealing Scorpius. He put him in the high chair with the dry Cheerios Harry had ready. Scorpius grabbed two handfuls, most of which fell out of his fists before they reached his mouth. He kicked his feet in excitement nonetheless.

“I love when the Cheerios get wet and stick to his face or the back of his hand. He literally does not care he has cereal stuck to his face.”

“I always wonder how they get on top of his head when he can’t even reach that high,” Draco said, sitting down with a cup of tea, and a sliced banana for Scorpius. “Oh, are these Pansy’s invitations?” He picked up the card and turned it this way and that to admire the shimmery purple ink. 

“Yeah, you got one too.” Harry handed over the one he hadn’t opened yet. 

“I told her she could send one to our house, but she insisted.” Draco opened his own copy of the invitation he’d helped to pick out.

While Draco read, Harry asked, “How come you don’t date?”

“Hm?” Draco looked up at Harry in confusion. “Well, I have the baby…”

“Yeah but you know I’d watch him if you wanted a night out. Even before my relapse, you didn’t date. But you used to leave him with me to go shopping so I know it’s not that you don’t trust me with him.”

“Of course I trust you with him!”

“I know, that’s what I just said. I’m saying there must be something else. Another reason you don’t date.”

Draco blushed lightly and sipped at his tea. “I don’t know. At first it was that I couldn’t bear to leave Scorpius, even for a little while. And then… when I thought about pulling someone, I just thought of them here, at breakfast with my baby and I didn’t want that.”

“I could keep the baby occupied for awkward mornings after, too,” Harry grinned. “Or you could go to theirs. It’s not the baby.”

“Well, after December… “ Draco sighed heavily and stared down at his tea. “Look, I know you set goals for yourself and one of them is no sex until you’ve been sober for a year. So I thought I’d do the same. In solidarity, or something.”

“Oh,” was all Harry could say. The thought of Draco giving up sex for no other reason than to support Harry made him warm all over. 

“I know, maybe it’s stupid. Especially since I never even said I would so you’d just have to guess but it seemed like - “

“No, I think that’s really nice of you. I mean, you don’t have to, of course - “

“I know.”

Harry fiddled with his mug. “I’m okay with you going out and having a good time, if you want.”

“I’ll keep that in mind but, well, I’m okay with staying in nights with you,” Draco finished with an embarrassed grimace. “I sound like an idiot.”

“No you don’t!” Harry said, reaching for Draco’s hand. “I appreciate it. You don’t have to, but it’s nice. Thank you.”

Draco nodded and awkwardly stood, “I should get Scorpius his juice and something else for breakfast.”

“Right, yeah. I need to be getting ready for work.” Harry stood too, and then after a pause he hugged Draco. “Thanks Draco, for everything.”

“You’re welcome, Harry.”

\--------

A few days later, Ron and Hermione rolled through the floo for Friday film night. Ron bounced on his toes as he pulled Hermione out of the fireplace.

“We’re having a baby!” Ron suddenly announced.

“Ron! We were going to invite them to dinner first!” Hermione laughed.

“Too late!” Ron pulled Harry into a hug, “Can you believe it? I’m going to be a dad!”

“That’s amazing!” Harry pulled Hermione into their hug. “I’m so happy for you both!”

“What’s this, then?” Draco asked as he came into the sitting room with Scorpius. 

“We’re having a baby! Hermione and I are having a baby!”

“Congratulations!” Draco and Scorpius hugged them both. “We should celebrate.”

Hermione grinned, “Ron and I thought we could all go to dinner, instead of watching a film.”

“Yes, fantastic,” Draco said, looking at Harry for his happy nod. “Give me a minute to get the baby ready?”

They spent the evening talking about babies and what Christmas would be like with a new baby. At one point, Scorpius managed to get butter in Harry’s hair. As Draco cleaned it with a flick of his wand, he laughed, “This’ll be you one day.”

Then Scorpius grabbed Harry’s face and pressed his open lips to Harry’s cheek in his baby version of a kiss. Harry wiped his cheek clean and added, “This’ll also be you one day.” He squeezed Scorpius in a hug and kissed the top of his head. His eyes met Draco’s. There was a brief soft smile, then Harry looked down at his plate. He pinched off a tiny piece of his bread to share with the baby. 

The next morning, Harry couldn’t pull himself out of bed. He heard Draco getting Scorpius ready for their weekly shopping, and knew he was meant to be getting ready too. But moving hurt too much. He knew if he left the bed, the warmth would drain away and he’d be left to shiver and crack until all his pieces scattered across the floor. He tucked his head under his pillow to build the illusion he could stay there.

Draco would never let that happen. He knocked gently before easing Harry’s bedroom door open. “Harry, you need to be getting up. Scorpius is having breakfast and then we’ll be ready to go.”

Harry didn’t answer. There was nothing to say. He held his body tense as Draco laid down behind him. Draco’s shifting body forced Harry to shift as well, until Draco was half lying across him, holding Harry tight. Harry trembled, but then relaxed into the press of Draco’s body.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Draco asked.

“No,” Harry croaked. But then he cleared his throat and said, “I’m so happy for them. I really am.”

“I know. I am too.”

Harry heaved a broken sigh and pressed back into Draco. “I don’t want to be broken anymore.”

“You’re not broken, Harry. You’re making it, day by day.”

“No I’m not, I’m going through the motions and none of it is real. Ron and Hermione are having a baby. Pansy’s getting married. Everyone’s better and moving on and I can’t even get out of this bed.”

“Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean they don’t have problems too, Harry. Panic attacks, nightmares, weird quirks we can’t get rid of. I know you’ve seen Pansy freaking out. And that Hermione makes Ron take her beaded bag on dangerous missions. We’re all struggling in our own ways.”

“You - you seem to be fine.”

Draco squeezed him tighter and said softly, “I’m not, Harry. I mean, yes I’m better than I was but it’s still hard for me. I take a potion for anxiety.”

“You do?” Harry turned to look at Draco. “How did I not know that?”

“Because I keep them in my room so you won’t see,” he said with a smile. “I want to be strong for you and if you knew, you’d just worry.”

Harry didn’t try to deny it. Draco knew him better than that. From the kitchen, Scorpius hollered for attention. “The baby,” Harry said unnecessarily.

“Want me to bring him here?” Draco asked. Harry nodded. The baby smiled and waved his arms at Harry.

“Did you miss me, little man?” Harry asked. Scorpius curled into Harry, then rolled over to Draco. He sat up and bounced, smacking them both. 

“We can go shopping tomorrow after Burrow Brunch, if you like,” Draco said.

“I can manage.”

“All right. You ready for breakfast? Maybe out in the garden? It’s a little chilly, but the sun is shining today.”

“Yeah, all right,” Harry said, but made no move to get out of the bed. 

He summoned a rubbery toy for Scorpius to chew on. Draco hit it with a cleaning charm before the baby took it. Scorpius lay down between them, kicking his feet in the air and babbling. Tension eased out of Harry until finally, he could pull the covers off. Scorpius hurried to sit up and lifted his arms for Harry to carry him.

“My sweet baby, what would we be doing if you weren’t here? Probably crying because we didn’t have a Scorpius to kiss,” Harry said with a kiss to drool-y baby cheeks. Scorpius squealed and kissed Harry’s cheek. 

As he ate, Harry said sheepishly, “Thanks. For getting me out of bed.”

“My pleasure.”

“I hate these days, when everything seems so hard.”

“You remember after my trial, what you said to me? ‘Every day we live is one more victory.’ We’re winning, Harry. Yes, we have bad days. But we’re still living, and we’re still winning.”

Harry rubbed at his scar and gave a half smile, “We’re still winning.” He laughed, “I was full of shit in those days, wasn’t I?”

“Eh, I’ll admit they weren’t all gems, but that one was good. Encouraged me to keep going.” He handed Harry a plate of toast and fruit. “Eat up, we have shopping to do.”

‘Stick to the routine’ was the mantra Harry lived by. That Saturday, with Draco dragging him along to grocery (“Which type of biscuit do I look happier eating?”) and getting sunshine at the local playpark (“Do you think grownups are allowed on the slide?”), Harry felt his regular self returning.

He was going to be all right.


	7. Ch 7

Harry threw himself into his routine over the next few weeks. There was no need to alert Draco about stress during the anniversary coming up in May. He felt the same anxiety, and together they worked hard at getting the house and schedule organized, making sure both of them had a few days off work to best avoid the press.

Draco received a letter from Narcissa. “She says she wants to come for a visit with Aunt Andromeda and Teddy, so they can visit the Lupin graves. What do you think?”

“Are they coming here? That’s fine.”

“Really? You don’t mind my Mother staying here?”

“Of course not. Andromeda and Teddy too. It’ll be nice to have company.”

And it was. Narcissa and Andromeda loved the house, and Teddy loved the open space in the garden for running around in. He was fascinated by the track circling the property and walked each evening with Harry, taking Scorpius along in his jogging pushchair. At seven years old, he was full of chatter about France, his school, his friends, and the difficult time he was having learning to change more than just his hair color.

On the anniversary of the Battle, they all traveled to Hogwarts to see the memorial. Then to the memorial graveyard, where Remus and Tonks, and Andromeda's husband Ted, were laid to rest with others that had died in the war. Andromeda let Teddy draw on their headstones with chalk, and leave pictures he’d taken of their home in France. She laid fresh flowers down, removing the preserved flowers from the previous year.

Harry had a few bad days after they left, but Draco was there to keep him going. He dragged Harry from the bed and saw that he was fed and dressed each day. Sometimes Harry woke in the night and would wander the house until he could fall back asleep, usually on Draco’s floor.

After a particularly bad night, Harry slipped into bed with Draco and wrapped shaky arms around him. In his sleep, Draco mumbled and hummed, then pulled Harry in close. It was easier to fall asleep with the warm body at his side. Although he woke up alone the next morning.

He found Draco making breakfast with Scorpius. “Good morning,” Harry said, trying to infuse a little cheer in his voice. His throat was scratchy and his eyes were dry from the rough night of sleep.

“Morning,” Draco replied with a small smile. 

They sat together at the table to eat, and although Draco was doing everything as he normally did, Harry felt inexplicably tense. He reached for the sugar bowl and accidentally brushed Draco’s hand. Draco pulled back with a blush.

“Is everything okay?” Harry asked.

Draco’s smile came easily, but his eyes stayed on his plate. “Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Is it… Did I cross a line? Sleeping in your bed?” Draco’s stillness made Harry rush on, babbling, “I’m so sorry. I thought - we’ve shared a bed a time or two and I thought… I just had a bad night and - “

“Harry! It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Draco smiled again and this time it felt more natural. “I don’t want things to be weird between us, all right?”

“No. They won’t. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

Draco shook his head. “It’s not - you don’t have to apologize. I’m happy to help you. But finding you in my bed…”

“I’m so sorry. I’ll stick to the floor, I promise.”

“No,” Draco said with a laugh. “It’s - “ he shook his head, “Harry I like you.”

Harry’s mouth dropped open but he didn’t know what to say.

“I like you and waking up with you in my bed was… It’s - I haven’t - _you know_ in a long time.”

“Right, yeah. No, it’s fine. I get it.” Harry scrubbed at his hair, his cheeks a vibrant red. “I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking. Er, not thinking of that.”

“It’s fine,” Draco said softly, a matching blush on his cheeks.

They made it through the rest of breakfast with Scorpius serving as a welcome distraction. Harry felt well enough to go into work. He got kind looks and supportive smiles from his coworkers, but thankfully no one mentioned the anniversary outright. Harry picked up a cake on the way home to celebrate staying sober for another anniversary. It was the hardest time of the year for Harry and he’d made it through in one piece.

Harry wasn’t sure what to do with the information he’d learned at breakfast. He’d not considered a relationship with Draco while he was still focusing on recovery. But really, they were more than halfway there. They shared meals and the commute to work. They were raising a baby together. They laughed over silly films and played board games on rainy evenings. They’d seen each other’s ups and downs, and knew each other’s quirks and pet peeves. 

It was nearly imperceptible but there was a definite shift in Harry’s thinking. Just knowing that Draco found him attractive made Harry reconsider their friendship. When he wandered the house at night, he thought over the rocky months with Ginny. Did he like Draco then, and Ginny recognized it? But no, he’d still hoped they could reconcile. 

This was definitely something recent and new. Harry couldn’t help but pay closer attention to the way Draco’s brows drew down when he worked the crossword. Or his face lit up at Scorpius’s kisses. Those nights Draco fell asleep on the sofa, insisting he wasn’t ready for bed just yet. The fuss he made over being made to watch dumb buddy comedies but then laughed louder than Harry. The easy strolls around the track, and the way his fingers would occasionally brush against Harry. All these things crowded in Harry’s mind, and he loved having the memories to hold. 

It would seem he liked Draco back. Surprising, and yet not, at the same time.

Now he wasn’t sure how to act. Those nights when Draco read aloud to Scorpius and Harry, with his feet in Harry’s lap to keep him grounded, became a small torture. The sound of Draco’s voice washed over Harry, sending his blood humming through his veins. Harry still felt the need to fall asleep on Draco’s floor, but he worried the temptation to get into bed would be too strong. When he smiled, Harry’s stomach clenched and nerves made him fumble what he was holding.

At dinner a few days later, Draco absently brushed his hand along Harry’s back on his way to his seat and Harry nearly dropped his wooden stirring spoon. 

Draco rolled his eyes, “Harry, I thought I said I didn’t want things to be weird between us.”

“They’re not weird!” Harry said with hysteria riding the edges of his words. He loved those little touches and didn’t want Draco to stop. He just hadn’t realized how many of them there were until he’d pointed it out.

“Then why are you being weird?”

“I don’t know. I’m trying not to…” Harry said sheepishly. He served his own plate and joined Draco at the table. Draco nudged his foot with a smile, making Harry blush again.

Draco laughed at him. “Try harder.”

How much was too much? Where did friendship end, and courtship begin? And could he really court Draco? He hadn’t acted any different since telling Harry of his feelings. Draco was apparently better at compartmentalizing than Harry was. Those thoughts coursed through Harry’s mind at all times of the day and it drove him spare to think of Draco’s mouth, Draco’s hands, Draco’s body. Fear started to creep in that he was objectifying Draco, much as he had his partners after the war. He forced those thoughts away, determined to always think better of Draco. And he relished each night Draco invited him to sleep - just sleep - in his bed.

As May came to a close, Scorpius started cruising the furniture, enjoying the changed perspective and all the new knickknacks he could reach. Harry and Draco moved delicate things up another level and prepared themselves for toddling. Just like when Scorpius was attempting to crawl, they spent many nights trying to entice him to let go of tables and take a step or two.

The first weekend in June was Ginny’s last Quidditch match and Draco’s birthday. Harry was invited to the game but knew he couldn’t handle it. The celebration would be big, whether they won or lost, because it was the last of the preliminary games and England’s place in the World Cup was secure. He was also wary of approaching Ginny with his newfound feelings for Draco simmering so close to the surface.

Instead, Draco and Harry hosted a little party for their friends to listen to the final match on the wireless and celebrate Draco turning twenty-five. Ron had gone to see the game live, but Hermione came to the cottage. Blaise and Pansy also came, along with Neville and Hannah. Seamus and Dean dropped in at the last minute. 

They cheered along with every goal, and commented on the announcer’s exuberant enthusiasm. They passed snacks and drinks, and snuck sweets to Scorpius. And finally, it was announced that Taffy caught the snitch yet again.

England was going to the World Cup.

Through their cheers, the announcer’s voice rang out, “Oh my! Chaser Ginny Weasley has certainly found herself someone to celebrate with!”

The other announcer laughed, “Taffy Tattersall is either a very lucky man, or else in serious trouble!”

“Do you suppose the Boy-Who-Lived will let him live?”

The two announcers laughed uproariously before moving on to describe the celebrations of the other players and fans. Neville switched off the wireless. All eyes were on Harry.

He laughed nervously, “It’s all right. I mean, we’re - not - er, excuse me…” He hurried from the garden, through the cottage, to the safety of his bedroom. He’d only had time to cross the room one time before the door was opening to admit Draco. Harry laughed and shook his head.

“Are you all right?”

“Yes. No.” Harry dropped his head in his hands. “I don’t know.” He sat on the bed, but jumped up to pace again. “We’re not together. Not anymore.”

“That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

“Yeah…” Harry sat down on the bed again, next to Draco. “We were going to announce it. During her break. Now everyone is going to think… “

“Think she was cheating? Or that Taffy broke you two up? Whatever it is, you know the truth. Let them know.”

“Anything I say now will just look like a cover.” Harry bit his lip and stared off in thought. He dropped his head into his hands. “Now everything is going to be complicated.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“Of course it will be!” Harry yelled, jumping to his feet to pace. “How are we supposed to have a relationship now? Everyone’s going to think she cheated and that I’m with you in retaliation or some such rot!”

Draco shook his head, bemused. “We, as in you and me? We’re not in a relationship, Harry.”

“But we could be! I thought we could be. When the dust settled around the World Cup. But now it’s never going to settle.”

“You want - you think we - “

“Don’t you? Please tell me I’m not the only one thinking of - ” he licked his lips and swept a glance down Draco’s body, “of us.”

“Well, yeah… but… what about…” Harry sat next to him, looking at Draco expectantly. Draco blushed and whispered, “You know, your one year anniversary. In December.”

Harry smiled and his eyes darted down to Draco’s mouth. “Well… about that. See, I’ve actually already been celibate for - for nearly a year.”

“You mean…” Draco whispered.

Harry leaned forward, slowly closing the gap between them. A rapid knock at the door made them spring apart.

“Harry?” Neville’s voice called through the door. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah,” Harry called back. He cleared his throat and opened the door. “Sorry, yeah, I’m fine. It was a surprise but… it’s going to be fine.”

“Good to hear,” Neville said with a pat to his shoulder. “Everyone’s kind of wondering if we should leave or stay.”

“Stay.” Harry said, inclining his head to Draco. “We’re coming back out. We’ve still got loads of food to eat.”

In the garden, hugs were passed around and everyone avoided the topic of Ginny for the rest of the afternoon. It felt like an eternity before the food was consumed, the mess cleaned up, and the guests departed. Harry expected a hassle from Scorpius during bedtime, but the exhausted baby fell into sleep minutes after donning his pyjamas.

Harry was waiting for Draco in the sitting room with tea. Draco smiled and sipped at his cup. The silence enveloping them would have been awkward if it had been anyone else. When Harry set his cup down and rested his head on Draco’s shoulder, Draco sighed contentedly and held him close.

The clamoring in Harry’s chest eased and he found his voice. “My first kiss with Ginny was right after Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup, back at school.”

Draco made a noncommittal sound and rubbed up and down Harry’s arm.

“It was right around this time last year that the trouble started with Ginny. I bought the cottage, Scorpius was born, she made the national team… and she saw two men kissing across the street.”

Harry sat up with a sigh. Draco sipped his tea and waited patiently for Harry to gather his thoughts.

“It was all downhill from there. And I haven’t - we weren’t intimate in all that time. And then we broke it off. I don’t know. It’s all confusing. I’m only sober for six months, but I’ve been celibate a year. And I like you, but I’m scared that I just like you because - because I want sex. I miss it. That connection to someone.” Harry bit his lip and stared at the ground beyond his feet. “I really struggled with it… you know… after the war.”

After a brief hesitation, Draco set his cup down and scooted closer to Harry on the sofa. He put an arm around his shoulder to pull him close. Harry rested his head on Draco’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around his waist. Harry calmed as Draco rubbed circles down his back.

Harry drew a deep breath and exhaled on a shaky sigh. “My mind healer reminded me constantly that physical affection didn’t equal love but… it was so hard to believe. So hard to live out. I didn’t have a lot of that growing up. Or any, really. Honestly, I think Molly Weasley was the first person to ever really hug me…”

Draco’s hands continued moving, soothing Harry. “We can take it slow,” Draco said softly. “As slow as you need.”

“Ginny’s getting home next week. We’ll probably release a statement just after. But then… I’d like something more. With you.”

“Sounds like a plan.” His hand squeezed the back of Harry’s neck and into his hair. 

Harry leaned into it, eyes closed and savoring the sensation of Draco’s fingers lightly massaging his scalp. “Maybe…” he licked his lips nervously. “Maybe we could kiss?” He blinked his eyes open to see grey eyes glinting in the low light.

“Sounds like a better plan.” Moving slowly, Draco leaned down to brush his lips against Harry’s. His fingertips traced over Harry’s cheek, down his neck, then pulled him in closer so their lips could meet more fully. Harry groaned at the sensation, distantly wondering how long it had been since he’d been kissed so sweetly.

“Dra - Draco…” he moaned. He tilted his head back so Draco could kiss along his neck.

Draco whispered into his skin, “Do you want to go to bed?” Harry stiffened and felt Draco’s smile on his skin. “Just to sleep. We can be close. Affectionate. Without sex.”

“Are you - “ Harry swallowed heavily, suddenly nervous. “Are you sure?”

“Come on.” Draco pulled him to his feet and kept hold of his hand as he led the way to Draco’s bedroom. He pulled Harry’s shirt off and worked his jeans open. “Step out. We won’t do anything you don’t want to. Even if all you want is to be held. I don’t want to worry where you are all night, or leave you to worry yourself into a frenzy.”

Harry nodded and kicked his jeans off.

Draco took hold of his hands. He smiled to reassure Harry. “If you don’t want to, or it’s too much, just say so.”

“No,” Harry whispered, stepping into the circle of Draco’s arms, “I _do_ want to.” He sighed into Draco’s neck. “I missed this.”

“Let’s get in bed. It’s more comfortable and warmer in there.”

Harry slept straight through the night, held warm and secure in Draco’s arms.

\--------

Harry thought he’d have a week to draft a statement for the press, but Ginny’s shared kiss with Taffy Tattersall was all anyone cared about. England had known for too long that they’d won their division, and they were starved for the gossip and scandal of it all. 

Just three days after England’s final victory, Ginny and Harry held a small press conference where they shared about their amicable break-up months before, and the desire to keep it out of the papers for as long as possible so as not to distract from Ginny’s career. Harry expressed his happiness for Ginny and Taffy, and wished them well. When Ginny was asked her opinion about Harry’s possible relationship with housemate and former Death Eater Draco Malfoy, she smiled and said Harry didn’t need her permission to date anyone.

After, they found a private place to talk for the first time in months. Ginny hugged him tight then pulled away with a small laugh, “So… Draco, eh?”

The fuzzy feeling in Harry’s belly soured. “Don’t. Please don’t act like that was lurking in the background all along.”

Her smile fell. “I’m sorry. You’re right. It was - we were falling apart already, weren’t we?”

“I loved you, Gin. Maybe I still do. But I have the chance to build something with Draco. The house, the garden, the family.”

She looked down at her feet. “All those things I didn’t want?”

“You were meant for bigger things, Ginevra Weasley,” Harry said with a smile. “I’m done with bigger things. I want a small life now.”

Ginny nodded with a small smile. “I hope you two work out. If he makes you happy.”

“He does,” Harry grinned. He reached for her hand and gave her fingers a squeeze. “Good luck with Taffy.”

She blew raspberries at him with a laugh, “He’s just for blowing off steam. It’s not long term or anything. I’ll find someone else when the time comes.”

Harry nodded and hugged her tight. “I’ll see you this weekend, all right?”

“Can’t wait! It’ll be good to be home for a bit.”

He kissed her cheek one last time before they parted ways.

\--------

Harry worried that Burrow Brunch with Draco and Ginny in the same house was going to be awkward. He was right.

He didn’t know if it was just his imagination, but it felt like Ginny’s eyes were on him the entire time. Every touch shared between Draco and him brought another glance from her. She seemed unnerved by her own family’s ease around Draco and Scorpius. When Harry took Scorpius outside to play in the yard, she followed.

Harry held both of Scorpius’s hands to help him walk through the grass. The baby squealed and babbled at the vegetable garden, and tried to grab tomatoes from the vine.

“No, no, baby. Those aren’t ready yet. Come on, little man. This way.” Harry steered him away and almost bumped into Ginny. “Oh, hey,” Harry said awkwardly. “We were just getting a little fresh air.”

“He was getting a little fussy in there.” She smiled down at the baby and followed them on their meandering path away from the vegetable garden.

“Yeah, he only likes being passed around for so long. It’s, you know, quiet at home with, er, just the three of us.”

Ginny put her hands in her pockets. She smiled kindly at Harry. “You and Draco seem to be getting on well.”

“It’s still new. Or old. I don’t know. The transition from friends to boyfriends has been both smooth and surreal. We’ve been together for a while, but only now are we _together_ together. But it’s been good.”

Her smile was soft, her eyes scanning his face to read what he was thinking. “I wish I’d handled things better. Between us.”

“Me too.” Harry blushed, “I mean, I wish I’d handled it better too.”

Ginny laughed and reached out to punch his arm. “I know.” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry… that I was jealous and all.”

Harry nodded and bent to pick up Scorpius. He probably needed to apologize for his part in their break-up, but at this stage, it was too hard to see where he went wrong. Scorpius kissed Harry’s cheek and pointed to the house. 

“You want to find Daddy, little man?”

Scorpius squealed, “Tay-tay.” 

“What does that mean?” Ginny asked.

“Nothing. He says that for everything. Draco says it’ll be a few months more before he really means a word.”

“Oh,” Ginny looked at the house as they made their way back. “I’m happy for you, Harry.”

“Me too.”

\--------

Friends and family spilled out of every corner of their cottage for Scorpius’s first birthday party. Flash bulbs went off around the room as the baby smashed his fat baby fists into the cake and smeared icing all over his face. Draco had hoped this would be Scorpius’s first sugar, but alas too many uncles and aunts had already set fire to that dream. No stranger to cake, Scorpius took advantage that this one was all his.

That night, Harry put the baby to bed and joined Draco in his bed for a celebration all their own. He was officially six month sober and ready for more between them.

All the desire he’d been pushing away came crashing over him in a tidal wave as Draco kissed and licked his skin. “Fuck, Draco, you feel so… so good!”

“Mm, so do you. Are you sure you want this? I’m not pushing you, am I?”

“No! I means yes! Yes, I want this. No, you’re not pushing.”

“Oh good,” Draco said, grinning as he pulled his shirt over his head. “I’ve been wanking myself raw over you.”

“You - you have?” Harry asked. He ran his hands eagerly down Draco’s chest and reached for the fastenings of his trousers.

“Yeah, haven’t you?”

Harry shook his head. He unfastened Draco’s trousers and reached in his pants to squeeze the flesh of his arse. “No, I can’t.” He groaned and lightly bit the skin between shoulder and neck.

“You can’t?” Draco asked. He pulled away to look at Harry. “Wait, stop. Stop!” He stepped back and held a hand out. “Did you just say you can’t wank?”

Harry pulled his shirt off and kicked his shoes into the corner of the room. “I mean, I _can_ but I don’t. Is that bad?”

“No,” Draco said slowly. Harry grinned and stepped in close to kiss him again. Draco returned the kiss but more reluctantly.

Harry looked into his eyes, brows drawn down in concern. “Is something wrong?”

“No, or maybe?” Draco stepped away from Harry again, holding his hands to get his attention. “Why don’t you wank? Is this another one of your self-imposed rules?”

“Sort of. My mind healer suggested it. When I was first starting. It was too hard to worry about sex _and_ alcohol so he suggested taking sex out of the equation altogether.” Harry started to pull his jeans off, but Draco stopped him.

“Wait, I think we need to talk about this?”

“Now?” Harry asked in disbelief. He looked down at the large, and uncomfortable, bulge in his jeans, and the matching one in Draco’s pants. A flare of anger and rejection made him turn away, covering his face. He took a few deep breaths but his heart wouldn’t stop racing.

“Harry?” Draco asked hesitantly.

“I’m - it’s fine. I just - “ Harry turned back to Draco and kissed him with bruising force. “I don’t want to talk about this now. Please.” He kissed him again. “Please…” he begged quietly.

“Yeah, okay. But after?” 

“After,” Harry promised. Draco wrapped his arms around Harry to pull him into a tight hug. Harry groaned, desperately needing the pressure on his skin. 

Hurriedly Harry stripped them of their clothes and pulled Draco to the bed. It had been so long since Harry had been intimate with anyone, and another man at that, but the memories came flooding back as his fingers found every spot that made Draco squirm in pleasure. Draco helped him with the spellwork, and before long, Harry was sinking into Draco’s body.

“Fuck…” Harry groaned as he drowned in the sensations flooding him on all sides. “You feel so - can I move?”

“Yes. Fuck, yes.” Draco arched his back into Harry, drawing him in deeper. 

Harry pushed at Draco’s arm. “Can you - I can’t do us both.” Draco needed no further instruction. He fisted his own cock at a rapid pace, moaning as Harry thrust into him. 

“That’s so good… yes, Harry… _yes_... Fuck!” Draco’s eyes shut tight as he suddenly came all over his belly. Harry groaned and came with Draco’s arse spasming around his cock. He collapsed in a boneless heap on top of Draco.

Hitching a breath, Harry slid to the side and summoned his wand. He cleaned them both up with a few quick spells and rested his head on Draco’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” Harry mumbled, “that it only lasted like five minutes. I swear I can do better. Next time.”

Draco laughed and rubbed Harry’s back. “It was perfect. Just what I wanted.” He rolled to his side, still holding Harry close. “We’ll take our time next time.”

“Please say that next time is later this evening.”

Laughing again, Draco caressed Harry’s cheek and into his hair. He kissed the tip of his nose, then his cheek and forehead. Harry scrunched up his nose and buried his face in Draco’s neck. Sleep pulled at him but Harry shook it off. He wanted to stay awake and enjoy more of Draco. The second round was a languid learning of each other’s bodies. And by the time they finished, they were too wrung out for anything beyond a soft goodnight. 

At breakfast the next morning, Draco brought up Harry’s self-imposed rules again. He set Scorpius in his high chair and smiled at Harry, “So… no wanking either?”

Harry groaned good-naturedly, “I’d forgotten you were going to ask about that.”

“Does Ron know?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t remember if I mentioned it or if it was on a list at some point.” Harry scrubbed at his hair. “It was just a thing the mind healer suggested. Sex and alcohol were my two biggest problems and it was easier to focus on one at a time.”

“That makes sense, I guess. But why no wanking either?”

“Because it’s another form of objectification. I may not have been using another person’s body, but I was using their image to get off, which is sort of the same thing. It wasn’t healthy for me. Not then.”

“Don’t you wake up hard sometimes? Or just… don’t you get the urge?”

“Yeah, but I wait until it goes away. And honestly, it doesn’t happen all that much while I’m not thinking about it. I stay so focused on the alcohol and sticking to my routine to get that all together, that I’m not even thinking of sex. Or at least, not until you mentioned it.”

Draco waggled his eyebrows with a cheeky grin, “Am I leading you astray?”

Harry blushed, “Maybe, but I like it. I like you.” Harry reached for Draco’s hands. “Back then, I threw a lot of people away. Did no-telling-how-much damage to men and women alike. Getting clean meant learning to treat people like people and not just available fucktoys. It sounds stupid now, but back then, it was really difficult. I couldn’t separate what I wanted from what I needed.”

“And what do you need?” Draco moved around the kitchen, getting breakfast for Scorpius. It gave Harry a chance to consider more carefully.

Harry stared at his mug. “I still don’t know. I thought I had it with Ginny. Only having her on the weekends meant I could ease back into relationships and sex. She was just as eager to see me as I was to see her, so it felt like we were on equal footing. When things started to fall apart, I wasn’t sure if it was sex I wanted, or sex with _her_ that I wanted. I was terrified of using her and ruining a future between us.”

“And now…”

“Yeah, and now we’re not together anymore.” 

Draco sat across from him again with toast and a smile. “Well I don’t care if you wank with me in mind. I think it’s hot.”

Harry shook his head. “I can’t do that. It’s a slippery slope and before I know it, I’m caught up in it in an ugly way, like I was before. It’s with you or not at all.”

Draco looked down at his plate and Harry could tell what he was thinking. He smiled at Draco and squeezed his hand again, “That’s just me, Draco. Wank whenever you want, imagining whoever you want. I just know I can’t do that.” He paused until Draco looked up at him. “Last night was beautiful and I want more like it. I love the feel of your skin against mine, the press of your body. It was… brilliant. Amazing. And I want more. But only if you want it too.”

“Of course I want it too. I’ve fancied you for ages, you know.”

Harry bit his lip against a smile. “I wish I’d been paying closer attention.”

“Eh, that’s all right. All things in their own time.”

\--------

Harry couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he filled out paperwork for the young witch in his office. She probably thought he was happy for her new jobberknoll aviary, but really he was remembering waking up yet again wrapped around Draco. Each morning this week had been more wonderful than the last and it showed in his sunny disposition.

A brief knock at the door made them both look up as Draco entered. 

“Draco!” Harry said happily.

Draco frowned at Harry and the other witch. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you’d be busy. Finish up… whatever this is, and come find me. All right?” He hesitated but not long enough for Harry to say anything in response. He left, slamming the door behind him.

“Excuse me a moment?” Harry said as he hurried after Draco. He caught up with him at the lift, and grabbed for his hand. “Draco, is everything all right?”

“Yeah, no it’s fine…” The lift doors opened and Draco stepped inside. “We’ll talk about it later, all right? It’s fine.”

Harry wanted to run into the lift after Draco but couldn’t really abandon the witch in his office. Indecision left him paralyzed. But Draco gave him a half smile and said, “It’s fine. Go back to work. Later, all right?”

“Later,” Harry said quietly as the doors closed. The tension in his shoulders made it hard to concentrate but he worked through the rest of the form and sent the witch on her way. He debated waiting until they got home but knew that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate until he was sure Draco was all right. That _they_ were all right. Taking a deep breath for courage, he knocked and then opened the door to Draco’s office.

“Hey... “ Harry said with a hesitant smile.

“Harry, thank goodness. Hold on a moment.” Draco scooped Scorpius up out of his play area and left the office in a hurry. He returned moments later without the baby and began laying privacy wards around the room.

“Is everything all right? That witch in my office wasn’t - you know, wasn’t anything. She’s starting a jobberknoll aviary and needed to register - “ Harry cut off as Draco claimed his mouth in a rough kiss.

“I don’t care about jobberknolls,” Draco growled. He flicked his wand at the visitors’ chairs and turned them into a lumpy small bed. He pushed Harry down and kissed along his jaw and down his neck, hands already unfastening Harry’s robe.

“Draco? What - “ Harry was cut off again with Draco’s kiss. 

“Can I fuck you?” Draco asked. Frustrated with the robe, he used his wand to banish it and Harry’s shirt to the floor. “Waiting for you - it’s been torture. Please?”

“What is this? What happened?” Harry wriggled out from under Draco and rolled off the makeshift bed to circle Draco’s desk. “Are you on something?”

Draco barked a laugh, “No, I got a shitty letter and now I want to fuck.” He started pulling his own clothes off, since Harry was no longer in reach. “You know what? It’s probably been ages since you bottomed so maybe I should." He shot protection spells at himself and nodded to Harry. "Get over here and fuck me like you mean it.”

“Draco - “

“Fuck, Potter! Can’t you just - please just come over here?”

“I can’t. Not until you tell me what happened!” Harry pulled his wand, just in case.

Draco sighed and collapsed on the bed, eyes on the ceiling. He covered his face and growled. With another sigh, he dropped his hands to his belly and said, “I got a letter. From Theo. It was - it set me off. Seems he’s always carried a torch for Astoria and he was pissed at me for getting her.”

“Oh Draco, I’m so sorry…” Harry sat at the edge of the bed. Draco reached for his hand so Harry lay down next to him.

Draco draped himself across Harry with a soft sigh. “He had his chance with her. But his parents didn’t approve. So he married someone else and hated me for it all the while. Worse after Astoria died. But now… his wife just had a baby. A little girl.”

“Oh. That’s nice?” Harry massaged Draco’s scalp, and down his back.

“Yeah it is. He says he forgives me. For Astoria. He said…” Draco’s breath hitched and he buried his face in Harry’s neck. “He said it could have been him that - it could have been _his_ baby that… And now he regrets the distance between us. He wants Scorpius to get to know his Trina.” Draco rolled to straddle Harry’s hips. “It’s too much right now and I just want…” He huffed a sigh, “I love you and I want to feel it. I want you to fuck me. Hard.”

“Draco - “ Harry began.

“If you’re about to say that physical affection doesn’t equal love, I’m going to hex you. I need you. Now.”

Harry licked his lips and nodded, his body responding to the raw need in Draco’s eyes. Draco kicked off his trousers and pants, while Harry did the same. He lay back down and let Harry settle between his thighs.

“You’ll need to conjure lube,” Draco said between kisses. “I don’t keep any in here anymore.”

“You used to wank in your office?” Harry said with a laugh. He tapped his hand with his wand and a gel covered his fingertips.

“Of course I did!” Draco hissed at the cold gel. “No one but you ever comes in here. But I’m not doing that with Scorpius around, and I can’t just send him off to Selina for no reason.” 

“What did you tell her about this visit?”

“That we needed to have a serious conversation. That’s enough, fuck me now.”

“That’s not enough - “

Draco rolled them so he could straddle Harry again. He lowered himself onto Harry’s cock with a groan. “It’s plenty. Yes,” he groaned slowly. He ground his hips down into Harry, holding tight to his hands. Harry had to let go so he could hold Draco’s hips instead. With better leverage, he could thrust up harder. After a few minutes, Draco shook his head. “It’s not enough.” He pulled off and rolled to his hands and knees. “Fuck me like this. Hard.”

Harry slid inside Draco and thrust gently a few times to get his bearings. He took a moment to alter the bed to have a tiny headboard so Draco could have something to brace against. With Draco’s face pressed into the makeshift mattress and his hands gripping the headboard, Harry thought he’d never seen anything hotter.

“Draco… you look so… fuck… “ He thrust harder, faster, chasing the orgasm that hovered just beyond his reach.

“Yes, Harry, yes… harder. That’s… so… fucking… good…” Draco held himself steady, easily taking the hard thrust of Harry’s hips. His moaning increased in pitch as he fisted his cock. “Oh fuck _yes_ ,” he groaned as he came, spilling himself on the sheets. His hand, still covered in come, gripped the headboard again.

Seeing it drove Harry wild. He gripped Draco’s hips and thrust a few more times before coming with a hoarse cry. He collapsed forward, resting his head between Draco’s shoulder blades. They held still, both trying to catch their breath. Finally, Harry pulled out carefully, yet still elicited a small hiss from Draco.

“Are you okay?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, it’s good. That was… so, so good.” Draco rolled onto his back, avoiding the mess on the mattress. He sighed as Harry hit him with a cleaning charm. Draco, eyes closed, reached for Harry and gave his fingers a squeeze. 

Harry curled his body around Draco’s. “I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried you’d made too much of the witch in my office.”

“Jobberknoll lady? Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know what you’re like when you’re jealous.”

“That wasn’t jealousy. That was distraction. I didn’t even realize it was a witch. And for future reference, jealousy looks like petty commentary on their appearance and decorum, along with offers to suck you off in places where we might be caught.”

Harry giggled, “I’ll keep that in mind.” He absently traced circles down Draco’s chest. “Ginny’s jealousy was mainly about making me feel guilty and yelling a lot.”

Draco made a noncommittal sound. “I’m not sure what I’m meant to be jealous about anyway. Why would you want someone else when you can have me?”

“Not scared I’ll get sick of cock and want fanny instead?”

“Ew, who wants fanny instead?”

Harry giggled again and crawled over Draco to kiss him deeply. “Let’s skive off work. Get the baby and make a run for it. What do you say?”

“Sounds like fun. Do you have something in mind?”

“Let’s go shopping. We’ll get Theo and his wife a baby gift and invite them to the house. Something to mend bridges.”

“Think that’ll work?”

“It’s at least a start. A fresh start is always possible.”


End file.
